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Balenciaga Plans New Collab With HR Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Team

 Luxury fashion house Balenciaga has released an announcement to the press regarding a new collaboration with the company’s Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion task force. The DEI task force is a new creation by Balenciaga’s internal human resources department. It aims to sell to a consumer audience a new capsule of merchandise that Balenciaga HR reps refer to as “Virgil Abloh meets woke capitalism” (as if there’s any difference between the two).

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Disclaimer: This article is satirical, meaning it is not meant to be read as fact. Satire is protected under the First Amendment’s freedom clause, which means the author has the Constitutional right to critique through parody. All “quotes” and statements attributed to any of the persons mentioned in this article are purely fictitious and not meant as defamation or slander.

The Balenciaga x DEI Task Force capsule is rumored to include five hours of mandatory inclusivity training, a limited-edition sneaker called the We See You, We Hear You, and an exclusive keynote presentation by Malala Yousafzai titled “How to Not Be Ignorant at Work.” 

When asked what the motivating factors behind the new choice of collaboration partner were, Cédric Charbit, CEO of Balenciaga, told the press:

 “We really just wanted to work with a knowledgeable group of people who could tell us exactly what to say, how to say it, and prevent us from accidentally creating and selling offensive merchandise again so that we don’t lose investors.”

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Additionally, while the collaboration is running, Balenciaga has vowed to turn their website black in solidarity with Black people around the globe. Balenciaga public relations has not responded to requests for tangible action, nor have they remembered to delete that black square they posted on Instagram in June 2020. 

Sister brands Gucci and Prada have released public statements supporting Balenciaga’s new initiative, but both have made it clear they really don’t care enough to do the same thing. “It’s cute!!” tweeted @Prada. “Couldn’t be me, though, LMFAO.”

The upcoming collaboration is an exciting step for Balenciaga to take, although we still aren’t sure if it’s a step forward or backward. All we can say for sure is that the white investors will love it, and, I mean, that’s all that really matters. 

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