Hayes Gardner

[Editor's Note: You all knew it was going to happen eventually. In honor of his beloved 90's Harris party tonight (and his recent birthday, after which Hayes is, in fact, feeling 22), we present Hayes Gardner. He's a whip-smart history major, a dramatic 3-point shooter (and guard) for the Pioneers' basketball team, one of Grinnell's few (and proud) representatives of "The South", a 2015 Class Ambassador, an unapologetic late-90's rock aficionado, a kickass writer and an even better friend.]


Name: Hayes Gardner

Nickname? Cash Flow

Class Year: 2015

Hometown: Lexington, KY

Craziest thing you’ve ever done: Stole the cookies from the cookie jar

Grinnell Life:

Major: History

Favorite Class (outside your major): Watergate Tutorial

Favorite Professor(s): Sarah Purcell and Dean Bakopoulos

Favorite Party: This is like asking a parent to choose their favorite child. Like, if I say Block Party, it will only upset Relays and 90s.

Outtakes or Meals to Go? Outtakes. It’s literally all about the Italian Grinder.

Love Life:

Single or taken? Surprisingly single

Your flirting style in three words: Ambitious, tentative and egregious

Pet Peeves: Those whose favorite musical genre isn’t late 90’s rock

Most Desirable Qualities in a Partner: Positive, fun, easygoing, Kentucky Wildcat fan

Celebrity Girl Crush: Jennifer Aniston

Celebrity Guy Crush: Boris Diaw

Chains Harris or 100 Days? 100 Days

Past, Present and Future:

What was your first impression of Grinnell? Damn, what’s up with all these books?

Most embarrassing first year moment: All the senior girls always trying to hit on me constantly wherever I went

No, really? Air-balling three three-pointers in my first ever Grinnell open gym. #shooter

What are you thinking about right now? The Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl

What is your dream job? 8th man for the Portland Trailblazers

Top three bucket list items:

  1. Lose count of the number of times I’ve seen Third Eye Blind in concert
  2. Witness a no-hitter live
  3. Find a woman who likes the name “Storm” for a boy and marry her

Wit & Wisdom:

Favorite road trip song: Your Love by The Outfield

Favorite rainy day activity: Settlers of Catan

What’s one thing most people don’t know about you? Two of my toes are webbed together

Issue you’re passionate about: Income equality especially as it relates to access to education

Any guilty pleasures? There’s nothing guilty about loving Wedding Crashers

Favorite quote: You rarely remember the nights in which you got enough sleep

What advice would you give Grinnellians? Make every Grinnell moment memorable. Go to Goodwill the Monday before 80’s to get the best costume. Melt down during Hell Week and bounce back. Swing by Moo$e “just for a few minutes” and wander back to Noyce three hours later. Turn in seminar papers you’re proud to have written. Get to Block Party at 9 a.m. Have an epiphany/quarter-life crisis during an all-nighter. Even the shitty times at Grinnell are great ones. It’s is just like pizza, baby; it’s good no matter what.