A few months ago, I convinced all of my friends to sit down and take the Love Language assessment so I could understand them and try to be a better friend. The Love Language assessment asks you different questions in which you mark your preference between two ways of someone expressing love for you. The end result is your Love Language Profile. You are given a score for each category: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, and Acts of Service.
Here’s a brief explanation of each category:
Words of Affirmation:
If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. You desire to hear people say “I love you” and, more importantly, to hear the reasons behind that love. Kind and encouraging words build you up and insults can tear you down.
Quality Time:
If this is your love language, you feel love the best when you receive full, undivided attention from those you love. You are hurt most when people are distracted when they’re with you, when they cancel or postpone plans, or when they fail to listen. You grow your relationships by spending time talking with someone or doing activities together.
Physical Touch:
If this is your love language, you thrive on hugs, thoughtful touches, holding hands, or pats on the back. These touches show excitement, concern, and care as well as communicate warmth, safety, and love to you, if timed correctly.
Receiving Gifts:
If this is your love language, gifts represent the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the token. When someone gives you the perfect gift or gesture, you feel that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above the sacrifice it took to get the gift to you. You are hurt by missed birthdays or thoughtless gifts and the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service:
If this is your love language, you appreciate when someone does something to ease the burden of your responsibilities. It’s important that others serve you out of love, rather than obligation, to truly show you their love. Laziness and making more work for you communicate to you that your feelings don’t matter as much as they should.
Knowing the love languages of those that you care about can help you earn ‘emotional points’ with them, because you are speaking their language, no pun intended. Of course, those emotional points do not actually win you anything, but they do ensure that your loved one knows that you understand and care for them. That leads to better communication and increased understanding, which cultivate stronger relationships.
Knowing your own love languages helps you discover yourself, but knowing other people’s love languages will help you be a better friend. I have a note on my phone that lists each of my friends’ highest scoring love languages. Looking at it every once in a while helps me reflect on my relationship with that person and think about what I can do to show my appreciation and love for them.
I highly encourage you all to do the same! Here’s the link to the official Love Language Assessment: http://www.5lovelanguages.com