I try to visit home once every month or two, since it’s only a four hour drive and it’s a great opportunity to catch up with people back home. And it’s a luxury to be able to do that. But I have to admit, sometimes stepping back into my house is like getting a slap to the face.
The transition from high school to college is monumental. Goodbye curfews, rules, home-cooked meals, mandated chores… the list goes on. You get your own life when you go to college, and with it comes responsibilities as well as freedoms. You’re the one in charge of doing laundry, cleaning, cooking, and it isn’t always an easy transition. But eventually, a pattern is established and order is found. For me, this was exactly what I needed. As an organized person, one that makes lists and even color codes things, this was my chance to grab the reins and sort things out on my own.
However, when you come back home to visit, it all comes crashing down. All of a sudden, I have no control. I have to be home at 11pm every night, and I need to tell everyone what I’m doing, where I’m going, when I’m leaving and getting back, why I’m going and who I’m going with. There are strict meal times, chores to be done, expectations to be met, and questions to be answered. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve learned, or what responsibilities you’ve picked up, because once you’re back in that house, you’re just a kid under your parents rule, and you have to follow their rules.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love coming home. I love seeing my family and friends, sleeping in my own bed, eating real food, and playing with my cat. And it is definitely a relief not having to take care of everything myself, getting home-cooked meals and movie nights with the whole family, and having my parents to talk to (and pay for things).
But the transition can make it pretty difficult to enjoy that time. And it is definitely way to easy to lash out at parents or push boundaries and break rules. Sometimes it’s hard to realize and appreciate that your parents just want you around, to see and talk to, and to lavish with their attention. They aren’t trying to be stifling or annoying, even though it often times feels that way. It’s their household too and it also comes crashing down when you come back. Their lives have changed and adjusted to your departure just as yours did. It’s a work in progress, learning how to balance your personal MO with that of your family.