The Talking Stage: Awareness

I know we are all getting older and the need for affection and just having a companion is beginning to grow. That search for something real can become very difficult when the people around you are not mature enough to explore, aren’t ready for a relationship and don’t know how to directly express that they aren’t interested in a relationship. I know in college it almost seems impossible, sometimes, to get a relationship off the ground because everyone is just running in circles, so in hopes of making your journey a little more smoother, here a few things to take note and be aware of when feeding into the talking stage wave. 

1.Is there a set goal for the direction of the relationship? 

Let’s say you meet this guy and he’s super cool, right? He’s tall, fine, driven and just seems to be everything you want in your future man.  Try asking him about his intentions when it comes to you. If he is just playing games, he will do his best to avoid the question. He’ll compliment you and make you feel good about yourself but you will never give a straight answer about what he wants. You may even hear the infamous “I’m just looking for a vibe right now”. I’m sorry to break it to you girly but you guys might end up vibing forever. Normally this indicates that he really doesn’t want to be tied down at the moment and wants to take the chill route; nothing too serious. At this point it’s up to you to decide if you want to wait it out and see where it goes or enjoy the time for what it is. 

2. Have his texting habits changed? 

When you first start texting a guy, they are usually prompt and on point with their responses. They want to get their feet in the door so that you become comfortable. They know communication is big to us so they wanna look like a superstar for the first couple of weeks. Pop out and show face? Normally, after the first couple of weeks the true colors will start to show. They’ll start texting you “Good Morning” only to disappear and resurface around 6 PM with no explanation. Instead of the sweet back to back text pattern, it may turn into every other hour and so on and so on. If it gets to this point, you will be able to identify that he is, indeed, a professional time waster and you need to get out of there ASAP. 

3. Bootycall?

Another way to peep out a bad apple is their respect of your time and morals. Any respectful young man will want to see you in the morning, during the day and at night ONLY if you ask. He will want to hang out in public settings instead of always in your room or in private. When you are dealing with the not so nice guys they are normally “busy bodies” during the day which only leaves after hours to hang out. Your conversations will also expand beyond just sex. You guys will actually converse to learn each other rather than to intice one another. Certain actions and the intentions behind them will allow you to see what kind of man you are truly dealing with. You just have to be smart and pay attention and always move confidently. You are a queen. Make that clear.

4. Is he ready for commitment? 

Don’t get me wrong, if you’re single, I’m all for mingling. You are free to do whatever you want, in a sense. It becomes conflicting when you think you’re talking to a guy but he’s “talking” to everyone. If you have social media and follow your potential bae, it’s pretty easy for you to pick up on the Mr. Campus tendencies. He is extremely flirty; he posts about being single a lot but insists that you take him serious and you may have even heard a few ladies you know speaking of him as well. He may make all of you all feel the exact same way, he may even be telling you all the same things. These kinds of men can be fun and sweet, but I wouldn’t push for a relationship because he is a free spirit. You will do more harm to yourself trying to turn him into a committed person rather than just enjoying him for what he actually is. Someone who really wants to be with you will make that clear in many ways. Just wait on it.

Now, of course, nothing is 100% bullet proof but these are small things to pay attention to for better chances at finding the one for you. Try to be more mindful and, as always, stay safe. 

XOXO