A blended family can be defined as a couple as well as their children from their previous relationships coming together in marriage to form one family. I speak for everyone when I say having a blended family is not one of the easiest things to endure. One minute you’re living life through everything familiar and the next you find yourself captivated by overwhelming contradiction. For me, we went from a family of three to a family of seven. My family doubled, and inevitably, as did my entire world. It was double the drama, double the chaos, double the support, and double the love. In regards to blended families, every experience is different because every person is different, but the basics will always remain the same. The love a family possesses for one another is unmatched, no matter how the family came to be. However, stereotypes can scare the hell out of you and embed preconceived notions about situations that, originally, you would’ve remained optimistic about. The stereotypes about blended families are no different. Here are four that I once believed and would personally like to DEBUNK:1. Favoritism
Now, I’m not going to sit here and say that the love a parent possess for their natural born child is the same for the stepchild as soon as the two meet, and I don’t think we should pretend like it is. However, it is definitely a love that can be matched. I can honestly say that with time my mother grew to love her stepchildren as if they were her own because with time they began to actually FEEL like her own. People tend have this self defeating bias embedded into their heads that if they didn’t “come first” then they will always come “last.” This bias causes one to feel neglected or “defeated,” before time even passes and before chances are even given. What we need to realize is that the concept of favoritism in blended families doesn’t actually exist. There are no rankings when it come to your children, natural or step. We choose to believe in it because it’s a stereotype that seems logically.
2. The “Cinderella” Stereotype.
I can honestly say Cinderella is to blame for one of the most infamous stereotypes about blended families to ever exist. The story of the princess every little girl wanted to be whose step family was the root of all her problems has caused children, especially young girls, to believe in the concept of a “wicked stepmother” and “ugly step sisters.” My blended family has fallen victim to this common stereotype and I say it is the worst one yet. Before a child even meets their potential stepparent, they have this “ugly,” distorted image of how they should appear and how they should act fixed into their mental. Can you imagine having the opportunity to create an image or persona for yourself striped away? Can you imagine possessing this deep desire to do things right, but being defined as wrong before you get the chance to actually try? It SUCKS! I speak from experience when I say blended families spend a lot of their time just trying to get along, and this “Cinderella complex” makes this already complicated situation that much harder. Stepparents want to love you, they want to take care of you, and they want to make the transition easy for you. Don’t stereotype their character before you meet them because of the princess.
3. “The Blending of A Family Will Come Naturally.”
This preconception is far from the truth. When it comes to the blending of a family, nothing comes naturally. It takes a lot of hard work, patience, forgiveness, and sacrifice. A bunch of strangers with clashing personalities are asked to come together and create a family. You can imagine the difficulty, but it’s not impossible. Believing that something like this can just come naturally is underestimating the delicacy and significance of the situation. Everyday there will be something new. You’ll learn something new about each other on Monday, create a new bond on Wednesday, discover you have more in common on Friday, and end up irritated with each other’s existence on Sunday. Life is unpredictable as it is, but one should expect the unexpected even more when encountering a blended family. We accept that nothing unexpected can be contended naturally, but we also must learn to accept that this is okay. It’s okay to not naturally know what to say, what to do, or how to react because you’re not suppose to. This bias makes us believe otherwise, and then you end up getting yourself into a situation you are ill prepared and can’t handle. Each person involved must sacrifice their guard, forgive whatever they blame, put in an effort to trust change, and that takes patience.
4. “Blended Families Can Never Amount to the Original.”
My mother met my step father thirteen years ago, and married each other nine years ago. The happiness, love, and trust they possess for each other is almost like that of a fairy tale. Their connection is what we, in society, call true love. Their bond isn’t original, but it is definitely unbreakable. Thirteen years ago I met my three step sisters. The happiness, love, and trust we possess for each other is indestructible. No matter what happens in life, I know they will always be there for me. The bond this family of strangers created is powerful, but it took a lot of time, a lot of work, and a lot of forgiveness. People, especially children, believe that after a divorce, things can never be the same, but in actuality they are not supposed to be. That’s the mistake we all tend to make. We start to compare our failures and accomplishments to others or even our past selves, when in reality we are all different people, and we are not the same people we were yesterday. Say “blended families can never amount to the original” is a contradiction because the original did not work. As the actor Dave Willis once said, “family isn’t defined only by last names or by blood; its defined by commitment and by love. It means showing up when they need it most. It means having each other’s backs. It means choosing to love each other even on the days where you struggle to like each other.” Don’t let your “old” definition of what a family is drive your judgment.