Senior year of high school, a lot of us were just ready to get away. Me? I chose a school that was four hours from my mom and my brother and 12 hours from the rest of my family. It’s hard being away from the only people who really are there for you. Some of my family members get on my nerves but I love them to death. Being away from everyone made me realize how much I really needed them. For the past few months, I’ve been going through this phase. I don’t know exactly what’s wrong with me, but I’m just not happy. My roommate always says “You have to be diagnosed with depression.” I haven’t seen a doctor, so I wouldn’t know if that was the problem. All I know is I’m not happy. I don’t want my friends to know because I’m scared of myself, so how would they react? They can sense that my personality has changed but I can’t tell if they know something. I’ve been cutting myself in places that no one can see. I’ve been trying to hide it. Out of the 7 friends that I can depend on out here, only three of them know. One is moving to Florida, I went to high school with him our senior year and I love him to death. I’ve hit this place where I feel like my life is falling apart. But I know I’m not the only one.
Hiding isn’t helping. This is me talking to myself. (By the way, talking to yourself is healthy, you’re just not supposed to respond.) I have to do something to stop feeling this way. My mom got into an accident when I was 9 and to this very day, she is still fighting for her life and it’s been 10 years. She’s the reason I am alive. Not just because she gave birth to me, but I just feel like I can’t leave this earth before she does. I am a Leo and the way my personality is set up, I’m too pretty to die. I’m not ready for death, not yet, and I’m definitely not the type to do it to myself. But I want to. Like I don’t want to be here anymore.
But, I know I’m not the only one dealing with this. Here are a few ways to help you. I don’t know how to help you mainly because I don’t know how to help myself. But here are a few ways to help you feel better about life as you move through it day to day.
1. Talk to someone.
Here at Georgia Southern, the people are really sweet. You do not have to pour your heart out to your peers if you don’t want to but we have a counseling center on campus.
2. Go shopping.
Me being me, if I can find me an outfit that looks really good on me I’m satisfied. I will stand there and play in the mirror for like 30 minutes and my entire day will be better,
3. Smile,
In my opinion, I have the prettiest smile known to man-kind. So if I smile at you, you’re welcome, Just kidding (maybe,) but smiling is pretty contagious, if you smile at people, they’ll smile back and I bet your little heart will start glowing on the inside.
4. Be selfish.
Your friends will be there (if they are your friends) when you get back. Take some time for yourself. Get away from everyone.
5. Breathe.
You think no one understands you. But trust me when I say you are not alone. Life is frustrating, just breathe.
6. Be strong.
You’re stronger than you think you are. We’re still young and in college, we don’t know ourselves. We will transform into this beautiful being that we were meant to be. It just takes time.
7. Find a ministry.
Not everyone is religious and I understand, but for those who are, there are ministries on campus waiting for you to join. Let them accept you.
It is not my place to tell you or anyone that everything is going to be okay. I don’t know that for a fact. I’m not okay. But I’m dealing with it one step at a time and I’m managing it. I encourage all of you who find yourself in this position, reach out. Please don’t act on taking a life because if you leave, you may feel better, but what about everyone you’re leaving behind?
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1(800) 273-8255.
Please take advantage. 24hours. 7days.