Following a break up, the inevitable question of whether or not you can really be “just friends” with an ex comes to the surface. After all, permanently removing someone who used to matter so much seems like a less than ideal situation. But keeping that person around, the person who may have hurt you at one point or another, might not be the right thing to do. All of the magazines and how-to’s scream, “No! A break up is a break up, cut him off.” Your parents and friends echo the same points, encouraging you to go out with other guys, keeping a far distance from your previous flame, no matter how much it hurts. “It’ll get better in time.” “It’s just hard in the beginning and then you won’t even think about him anymore.” “If you keep seeing him, you will never get over him!”
All of these concerns are true. It is really hard, maybe even next to impossible, to get over someone completely when you see them all the time. But what if the two of you are in the same friend group? What if there is only one bar on campus that you both conveniently (or not so conveniently) attend every Thursday? What if avoiding him completely is not an option? I don’t think there is a right answer. Every situation is different and every person handles break ups in a different way. But, if you find yourself stuck in a position where there is no turning back, here are a few things to keep in mind when dealing with an unavoidable ex.
1.) Treat Him Differently: Approach his texts, calls, and invites to pregames like you would a best guy friend. If you enjoy being in his company and can’t seem to fully cut him out of your life, it is important not to treat him like a boyfriend. He is technically your friend now. Understand that and treat him like one, no matter how badly you want to kiss him. After all, friends don’t kiss friends!
2.) Establish Ground Rules: If you break things off with a guy, it is especially important not to revert back to old habits. Seeing him at a party will make it that much easier to talk to him, but keep the conversation light and casual. If you start diving into talks about your previous relationship, make sure you are alone. You don’t want to create an awkward atmosphere for everyone else. Have him walk you home, but don’t invite him back inside. Your old relationship is done and it is now up to you to establish what this new relationship is.
3.) Don’t Hold Yourself Back: Now that you are friends with your ex, chances are that any new guys who come into the picture are not going to be super ecstatic about your newfound friendship. Don’t let your relationship with an ex, past or present, affect your future relationships. If you see that it is becoming a problem, it might be time to figure out whether or not being friends is worth losing a great guy.
4.) Be on the Same Page: Being friends with an ex can only work if you both feel that way. If one person wants something more, there is no way that any new type of relationship can work.
5.) Understand Yourself: The only person who knows whether or not they can handle being just friends with an ex-boyfriend is you. If you think being friends will make the situation even harder for you, it is in your best interest to avoid the hurt. At the end of the day, being friends is not going to miraculously make him want to be with you again. The relationship ended for a reason. Analyze that reason and assess if it is even possible to flip the switch from romantic to platonic.