Dear Jane Hoya,
Is it healthy to look at the hook-up culture as an empowering thing for women? What is your take on sex positivism and female sexual expression as opposed to the societal pressures/put downs through terms like “slut” and the idea that women shouldn’t be “loose?” – Freakitona
Dear Freakitona,
I think there is definitely a double standard for men and women when it comes to sex. Men who sleep around are seen as “players” and it’s often seen as a good characteristic. On the other hand, if a woman has more than one sexual partner they’re automatically considered, as you said a “slut.” Sex is a natural thing for both men and women and should be treated as such. Women shouldn’t be put down for doing something that’s a natural, human instinct. Just as men have “needs” so do women and they should have the freedom to express it just as men do. I also think its perfectly fine if you find the hook-up culture to be an empowering thing for women; its only our society that makes the hook-up culture disempowering for women. – Jane Hoya
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Dear Jane Hoya,
I’ve never had a consistent hookup or boyfriend in college. Every time a guy likes me and I start to like him back, my friends don’t approve of the guy or sway me from any kind of commitment. Also, it usually ends poorly with the guy – awkwardness, not talking at all, not being friends at all, etc. How do I balance pleasing my friends and valuing their opinion, while also doing what I feel I want and what I feel? – Confused by friends
Dear Confused by Friends,
It sounds like you need a new group of friends. Its understandable that your friends want to look out for you and steer you clear of guys that they think are bad for you or aren’t right for you, but there’s a limit. If they’re finding fault in every guy that you’re interested in, maybe the guys aren’t the problem. Maybe they are. The fact that they’re “swaying you from any kind of commitment” makes me believe that maybe they like you single and don’t want you to start getting serious with someone that would take you away from spending time with them. Also, you know better than anyone what, or rather who, you want. You can still listen to their opinions and hear what they have to say but make sure that at the end of the day you’re doing what makes you happy and not what makes them happy. If they’re really you’re friends they’ll just be glad that you’re happy even if they don’t totally get what you see in the guy. – Jane Hoya
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