Okay, super honesty time. George Mason University was not my top choice school. In fact, it wasn’t even my second choice. I had developed tunnel vision from the very first visit to my dream school. From then on, every other college, including GMU, dimmed in comparison. And as each rejection came sliding into my inbox, I felt my opportunities slipping away.
This perspective had me feeling stuck, and it wasn’t good old George Mason’s fault– it was my own. I was just never dying to be a Patriot and I let my negative view of GMU poison my experiences. We all do this. Our minds become cemented in the perception that rejection is the end. Whether it be that we didn’t get the job we wanted, didn’t get into that dream school or maybe it’s that a person rejected us (and we’ve all experienced that one too many times), we often view this as a defeat, an end. As the saying goes, “one door closes.”
But wait! There’s more. There always is.
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell
Facing defeat, we see only another door slammed in our faces and fail to notice the beautiful chances and beginnings that exist through the doorway behind us. But how exactly do we learn to turn around and notice that other door? I’ve compiled seven ways that may help you do just that.
Related: Learning to Deal With Rejection
1. Identify your feeling of rejection.
It’s the “acceptance” step of recovery. You can’t start moving forward unless you accept that you have been rejected. Yes, it sucks.
2. Let yourself feel the emotions of rejection but recognize that this is not a permanent condition.
Validating your emotions doesn’t mean letting them control you. Recognize what you’re feeling and then let yourself move on. But refer to #3 and don’t totally forget about how this rejection made you feel.
3. Learn from your rejection.
Ask yourself questions about what happened and what you can do differently. Remind yourself that we often learn more from our failures than from our successes.
Related: Rules I Live By
4. Stop looking for the approval of other people.
Looking for another person’s approval gives them control over how you view yourself. Trying to assume why someone rejected you or why you didn’t get a job does nothing good for your feelings of adequacy. Earn the approval of yourself first and foremost.
5. Recognize the other opportunities and experiences that have been created by your rejection.
If I hadn’t gone to GMU, I would have never met my fabulous roomie, or the empowered women of Her Campus. I certainly would have never developed my addiction to Argo Tea (although maybe that would have been a good thing, at least for my bank account.) Remember the old cliché, “everything happens for a reason.” Take a moment to enjoy the experiences and people you meet as a result of rejection and be thankful that you were given that opportunity.
6. Adopt a mantra that reminds you of the beauty of rejection.
Write it down in the front of your planner or on a sticky note above your desk, anywhere to remind yourself of the wonderful and ever-changing nature of life. Life is made to be an adventure with bumps and challenges and that is BEAUTIFUL!
7. Finally: don’t let your rejection be an end, let it be a beginning.
Have the courage to start something new or even start something over again. Rejection gives you the opportunity to decide where you go next in life and what new beginnings you will face just on the other side of that open door.