I am sitting in my gynecologists’ exam room. I am eighteen and I need a new prescription for my birth control. I get the normal questions, “Am I sexually active?”, yes, “Am I practicing safe sex?”, yes. And then the tables turn when my doctor utters, with a disapproving look, “I personally don’t think anyone should be having sex at this age.” In that moment I feel my face flush and my heart drop. A doctor, slut shaming me to my face, when all I wanted to do was be safe. I remember walking out to my mom in the waiting room feeling embarrassed and angry. Wasn’t I doing the right thing by going to the doctor? So why did I feel like I never wanted to come back again? And why are we still letting this happen to millions of other girls across the world, too many to count in fact, by doctors, teachers, family members and so many more?
Men are often praised for their sexual ventures, while women are permanently branded with the terms “loose,” “slutty,” “easy,” just for their presumed level of sexual activity or for their dress. And society has allowed those words to perpetuate victim shaming in rape cases, because “she was asking for it.”
Related: Female Sexuality is Not Equivalent to Immorality
Making women feel sorry for their sexual desires is not only unacceptable on a moral level, but it is dangerous. Women who are slut shamed, particularly younger girls, are likely to feel isolated and are less likely to seek out help for practicing safe sex. This is especially true if the person making them feel this way is someone like a doctor, parent, or relative. By placing the stereotype over the individual, we are putting women at a higher risk for pregnancy, STDs and a misunderstanding of their sexual desires.
The sad thing is that this doesn’t come from just male figures in women’s lives. That doctor I mentioned earlier? She’s a woman. A woman I thought I could trust to leave personal bias out of the conversation. When did we stop empowering each other and when did we succumb to the stigmas and stereotypes created by our counterparts?
Feminism is supposed to be used for promoting a woman’s choice, but sometimes people forget about the sexual aspect of choice. Just because a woman decides to wear a short skirt or be with multiple men doesn’t mean she’s not a feminist. And if she decides not to do that, it doesn’t make her weak or unfeminine.
Because it doesn’t stop at slut-shaming, if we recognize that, we need to recognize the opposite of it as just as real and dangerous. Because calling someone a prude is equally as bad and never okay.
Related: Society’s Views of Female Sexuality are Problematic
Women aren’t things that society can mold into a “perfect” ideal, into some perfect middle place between what we call promiscuous and modest. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a little bit of both, because sexuality should be a spectrum that women are free to travel across; instead of attempting to fit society’s cookie cutter mold for sexuality. Women’s bodies are their own to do what they want with. Whether that be waiting for marriage or enjoying multiple casual hookups, or somewhere in between; we should celebrate a woman’s choice to explore what works best for her. It’s time for society to stop making women feel sorry for exploring their desires, and it’s time for women to feel #SorryNotSorry about their sexuality.