Playing hard to get is just plain hard to get. Why can’t everyone lay their desires, feelings, and selves out on the table for the world to see? Well, I’ve decided that it’s just no fun. This is exactly why you are in love with the guy who won’t look twice at you in class and not the guy who trails behind you when class lets out begging for a study date. You might not realize, but plenty of guys think you’re at fault in this situation. Let me explain…
Last fall, I met a guy who seemed to only want to meet up weekend nights at a bar. Like clockwork, he would text me on Wednesday making sure I was free that weekend, and no more texts were exchanged. This was perfectly fine, at first, because I would rather have my support group by my side making sure I wasn’t kidnapped on the way to the bathroom and that he was super cute. After a few Friday nights, which I most definitely do not remember, I was sick of it. What happened to dinner and a movie? Yes, this is painfully awkward, but at least I would remember where he worked, not where he drank.
I questioned whether this guy was waiting for the perfect moment to suggest frolicking back to his place or that he was content with playing hard to get for a few months instead of rushing anything. Finally, there was a breakthrough when he invited me to get coffee after he got off work. I was skeptical about who drinks coffee at 6 pm and why he didn’t eat dinner, but it didn’t matter because, of course, it was the one night I had class. For a few months our “friendship” continued this way until I met my boyfriend, who gave me the straight-forwardness I was looking for, among other things. Of course my new relationship brought this guy some clarity, and after running into each other a few times in Clarendon (apparently the smallest place on Earth), he decided to have an honest conversation with me about what went wrong, bringing me clarity as well. I’ll share some of my new-found wisdom with you, so you can stop playing hard-to-get and get what you want.
Texting I stopped texting nonstop when I graduated from high school. It’s one of the worst ways to get to know someone, but when you first meet someone, touch base every few days. It’s a new age, and it’s not the worst thing to learn a few facts about someone. Also, I’m begging you ladies (guys, too!) to stop looking into who texts first and how long it takes to respond. I swear I’m not some super creep because I respond immediately. I’m not asking you to reveal any dirty secrets, text first every single time (please do not do this), or text back until exactly 15 minutes are up, but let the person know you are interested!
Promises My major mistake with this hard-to-get guy was promising I would meet up with him, ending up somewhere else, and then never apologizing. This may have been because I was frustrated at the situation itself, because I thought he just didn’t care, or because of whatever dramatic life event I was dealing with at the time. Looking back, he put in effort a lot of the time I didn’t and vice-versa.
Rejection Everyone is so afraid of rejection that they will rarely just go for it. When they do and are rejected, they give up. This guy flat out told me months later that he thought I was lying about my class the night he asked me on the coffee date, and I don’t blame him. I should have followed up by texting him for a date. If each of you put in effort, there won’t be any second guessing of who is actually interested.
Be smart My number one piece of advice is to not disappear from the bar with another guy because you drank too much, broke your phone, and just want to go home. That is a fantastic hard-to-get move, but it looks bad…like really bad….
Missed connection The whole experience between the two of us was push and pull, so learn from my mistakes. Don’t wait for a deal-breaker to finally ask for what you really want, or you might as well start writing your missed connection ad now.