This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at George Mason University chapter.
You met the cute frat-star at that highlighter party last weekend. You met the head-over-heels nerd when he walked you back to your dorm from English class yesterday. And you met the sweet, glasses-wearing singer while in line for a Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks on Tuesday. Whether you plan to stay single your freshman year, or you’re more of a relationship type of girl, you’ll be exposed to many different guys. Some may be friend-worthy, while others may be ‘“hold on, let me go to the bathroom quick” and never come back’ worthy. Eventually you’ll meet the one who is relationship-worthy. In the past year, a lot of my friends have met that guy, so I have been overly-exposed to their regular rights and wrongs. Now as I search for who might be ‘that guy’ for me, I know to watch out for these three types…
A: The Abuser
Abuse does not always have to be physical, and more often than not, it is actually verbal and emotional. For the past year, I watched one of my best friends get hurt time and time again by her boyfriend who she apparently loved so incredibly much. Nothing he did was warrant enough for her to end it. I was in disbelief, and I knew there was nothing I could do to convince her to break it off. It’s not like I didn’t try; I did everything from calling and texting him numerous times freshman year to asking her mom to intervene this summer. He continued to call her rude names, lie about his whereabouts, and believe ridiculous rumors his friends started about her. I couldn’t put it all on him, though. Often, she would provoke and insult him, and she quickly became very needy. The relationship was far too unhealthy to even attempt to fix. I don’t need to advise you to never let a guy treat you in such a horrible way because it’s something I’m sure you have been hearing since you were young. But don’t fall victim to that “blinded by love,” saying. If someone really loves and cares for you, the last thing they want is to see you in pain, especially when they may have caused it.
B: The Baby
I have become very familiar with The Baby, and no, it’s not because I dated him. Just trust me on this one. It’s easy to know when you’re dealing with The Baby. For example: You’re starting to question whether the baby voice he constantly uses around you is his real voice or not; not to mention that it’s the same high-pitched one your dad uses when he is talking to your dog…Starting to get a little creepy? Yes, I think so. He also calls you a handful of cutesy names. After he called you his ‘Little Sandwich Snatcher’ at lunch the other day when you stole a bite, you might be borderline too embarrassed to take him to eat with your friends ever again. And last but not least, there is the PDA. As you say your goodbyes when he has to head to class, the people walking by are getting nervous because they think a building might be collapsing the way you two are latching onto each other. You may find his ways adorable, while that little voice he uses is making your roommate’s skin crawl. So be aware of your surroundings, and if his baby-ways start to really bug you, a simple talk could go a long way.
C: The Controller
Why would you make THAT your profile picture? You are seriously wearing THAT out tonight? Did you really spend money on THAT? The Controller may be such a control-freak for a few reasons. He might want you to pretty much be the female form of him. Or he doesn’t want you to attract a lot of attention/the attention away from him. Or he just has really strong beliefs about how you should live your life. All three are not good reasons, and the first one is just a little weird. You are an individual, so you should be treated like one. It might not be a constant thing, though, and sometimes, every girl could use a little guidance. Also, if you’re anything like me, being bossy is your specialty (bossy sounds cuter than controlling, don’t you agree?). I’m working on it, though, and you and your guy should too. Accept his helpful advice, like “You should probably wear a sweater over your dress because it’s chilly today.” It’s nice he’s looking out for you. But at the same time, he should not be telling you what to eat, wear, and do all in the same day, let alone hour. It does not classify as helpful advice if he says, “THAT skirt is WAY too slutty! Wear something else!” Count on your BFF to give you that advice because when it comes to those things, that’s what she’s there for. I mean, who else is going to tell you that your butt is hanging out of your shorts without you being totally offended?! Respect guidance from others but know when to make your own call…because who knows you better than you, right?
A: The Abuser
Abuse does not always have to be physical, and more often than not, it is actually verbal and emotional. For the past year, I watched one of my best friends get hurt time and time again by her boyfriend who she apparently loved so incredibly much. Nothing he did was warrant enough for her to end it. I was in disbelief, and I knew there was nothing I could do to convince her to break it off. It’s not like I didn’t try; I did everything from calling and texting him numerous times freshman year to asking her mom to intervene this summer. He continued to call her rude names, lie about his whereabouts, and believe ridiculous rumors his friends started about her. I couldn’t put it all on him, though. Often, she would provoke and insult him, and she quickly became very needy. The relationship was far too unhealthy to even attempt to fix. I don’t need to advise you to never let a guy treat you in such a horrible way because it’s something I’m sure you have been hearing since you were young. But don’t fall victim to that “blinded by love,” saying. If someone really loves and cares for you, the last thing they want is to see you in pain, especially when they may have caused it.
B: The Baby
I have become very familiar with The Baby, and no, it’s not because I dated him. Just trust me on this one. It’s easy to know when you’re dealing with The Baby. For example: You’re starting to question whether the baby voice he constantly uses around you is his real voice or not; not to mention that it’s the same high-pitched one your dad uses when he is talking to your dog…Starting to get a little creepy? Yes, I think so. He also calls you a handful of cutesy names. After he called you his ‘Little Sandwich Snatcher’ at lunch the other day when you stole a bite, you might be borderline too embarrassed to take him to eat with your friends ever again. And last but not least, there is the PDA. As you say your goodbyes when he has to head to class, the people walking by are getting nervous because they think a building might be collapsing the way you two are latching onto each other. You may find his ways adorable, while that little voice he uses is making your roommate’s skin crawl. So be aware of your surroundings, and if his baby-ways start to really bug you, a simple talk could go a long way.
C: The Controller
Why would you make THAT your profile picture? You are seriously wearing THAT out tonight? Did you really spend money on THAT? The Controller may be such a control-freak for a few reasons. He might want you to pretty much be the female form of him. Or he doesn’t want you to attract a lot of attention/the attention away from him. Or he just has really strong beliefs about how you should live your life. All three are not good reasons, and the first one is just a little weird. You are an individual, so you should be treated like one. It might not be a constant thing, though, and sometimes, every girl could use a little guidance. Also, if you’re anything like me, being bossy is your specialty (bossy sounds cuter than controlling, don’t you agree?). I’m working on it, though, and you and your guy should too. Accept his helpful advice, like “You should probably wear a sweater over your dress because it’s chilly today.” It’s nice he’s looking out for you. But at the same time, he should not be telling you what to eat, wear, and do all in the same day, let alone hour. It does not classify as helpful advice if he says, “THAT skirt is WAY too slutty! Wear something else!” Count on your BFF to give you that advice because when it comes to those things, that’s what she’s there for. I mean, who else is going to tell you that your butt is hanging out of your shorts without you being totally offended?! Respect guidance from others but know when to make your own call…because who knows you better than you, right?