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The Zodiac Signs as Proposed Her Campus Article Titles

If you’ve read anything from Her Campus at SUNY Geneseo, you’ve probably gathered that we don’t always take ourselves seriously. We enjoy writing funny articles that are sometimes just outrageous! But hey, this is our way of coping with the stress of everyday life as a college kid. Behind the scenes, some of the Her Campus article concepts we have proposed at our brainstorming sessions are just very, very odd. We hope that you guys will be able to read these satirical and fun articles one day, but for now here’s a sneak peak with a zodiac sign twist.

 

Aries: Biological Warfare on the Crows

 

 

You are assertive and independent, you don’t need no crows in your life! If you know Geneseo, then you know about the horrifying murder of crows that hangs around the union parking lot.  When a recent email informed us of the different methods of crow removal—including pyrotechnics—it only made sense that the person who decided to use pyrotechnics against the crows was an impulsive Aries. And yes, we mean real crows, not the fraternity.

 

Taurus: Ten Things I

 

 

This title was on our article ideas list. I don’t remember what it was meant to be, but the sheer number of “Ten Things” articles we have planned are why Taurus gets this title. We are stubborn in our love for top ten listicles, which compliments Taurus’ obstinate personalities.

 

Gemini: James Bond Bechdel Test

 

 

This was chosen for Gemini because Geminis are mischievous and have many talents, sort of like James Bond. Also, all Geminis have two sides, what is more two sided that James Bond and Alison Bechdel in the same title?

 

Cancer: Tea Drinking Issues

 

 

Cancers are sensitive, little dears, and they tend to love tea in my experience. In fact, a Cancer definitely wrote this article idea.

 

Leo: History of the Flannel

 

 

Leos are very popular, but they may not be as popular as this article idea is among this Her Campus chapter.

 

Virgo: Fanfiction

 

 

What kind of fanfiction you ask? I wish I knew, this is all that was written. Fanfiction is a newer genre of writing which has been very successful. Virgos are successful and clever, much like some select fanfiction!

 

Libra: The Best Lines I’ve seen from Guys on Tinder

 

 

Libras are the most adventurous sign, and boy what an adventure Tinder can be.

 

Scorpio: Why Pyrotechnics are the Best Way to Deal With Any Issue

 

 

This is related to the earlier article on crows. Why was this article picked for Scorpios? Do you really have to ask?

 

Sagittarius: Weird Encounters With Roadkill

 

 

Sagittarius’ are open-minded which would come in handy when asking one to write about their strange encounters with roadkill. This title is a little gross, but also when you ask people about their roadkill encounters you get some fascinating stories. That’s why this is perfect for Sagittarius!

 

Capricorn: Recipe Listicle

 

 

Capricorns are hardworking, straightforward, and sensible which is why they get the most normal and practical title.

 

Aquarius: Top Ten Ways you can Hex Donald Trump this Weekend

 

 

 

Aquarius’ are trend setters! Maybe if they can help us set the trend of hexing Donald Trump, the hexes will work!

 

 

Pisces: Passive Aggressive Gifts to Give your Frenemy for Christmas

 

Surprise! Pisces’ are adorable so of course they would give gifts to their frenemy, but they can also dabble in petty territory which is why they themselves are passive aggressive gifts.

 

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Hannah Fahy

Geneseo '20

Hannah Fahy is a junior English secondary education major at SUNY Geneseo. She is very involved on campus as the secretary of Circus Club and a general member of Musical Theater Club. She is also the social media coordinator of the Geneseo Her Campus chapter! She is an aspiring unicyclist who enjoys reading, donating blood, and knitting. She is always learning a new skill because she believes that you should never stop learning.
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