Will You Accept this Recap?: The Bachelorette Season 16 episode 5

The new Bachelorette has arrived and we’re freaking out! With genuine connections forming, Tayshia is on her way to finding love. 

 

A Queen Is Never Late, Everyone Else is Simply Early” 

Jess: We again start out with an ominous shot of the moon and a close up of the “La Quinta Resort & Club” sign. All these transitions with the moon are making me think The Bachelor franchise is trying to portray their connection to the tides and witchcraft or something because otherwise all these moon shots are incredibly pointless. 

The men go around talking about what they want, saying they’re looking for “someone like Clare.” I think after everything Clare put them through, do they really want this next bachelorette choosing their man night one and having total tunnel vision? I don’t think so. 

Finally, lo and behold, QUEEN TAYSHIA HAS ARRIVED AND SHE’S STUNNING. Literally glowing, 10/10, spectacular, incredible, never been done before, this woman is the SUN. 

Clearly, the men recognize this as they all start beaming from the moment she enters. Ivan points out a total shift in energy, and SAME IVAN. Like, we have all been waiting for this since the words “I think I just met my husband” fell out of Clare’s mouth. This energy is absolutely immaculate and we’re here for it. 

And now, we can actually hear these men speak for the first time! It’s no longer the Dale and Clare show! We can get to know them, and there really are some winners. Ivan is a soft-spoken sweetheart, Steve Jobs blue-eyed Brendan has stellar vibes and I’m finally not groaning at my screen every two minutes. Thank you, ABC. 

When Riley asks Tayshia what she does, I almost spit out my water laughing. I don’t know if Riley knows how this whole Bachelor process works, but he better take tips from Tayshia and join the influencer game. Who wouldn’t want that free Lulu Lemon and Revolve merch? 

Blake says, “This just feels so much more real in just one interaction with Tayshia than it was in four interactions with Clare.” 

I feel the same way, Blake. In just one episode with Tayshia compared to four episodes with Clare, it just feels so much more real and I’m here for it. 

Rebecca: The producers really drag out the moment until Tayshia finally walks in. The poor men are super anxious to get a second chance with a strong, independent woman. Men, just you wait.

Also, to echo Jess: QUEEN TAYSHIA STEALS THE NIGHT WHEN SHE WALKS INTO THE MANSION! Some of the men choke on their own spit when she walks in, and I don’t blame them. Their jaws drop. When she says, “I’m Tayshia, and I’m here for all of you,” I could see the second chance on their faces in their smiles.

Tayshia’s first speech of the season is also very calming. She really knows how to work a room. It’s great to see the men begin to form connections. So many of the men are talking about their lives and being honest with Tayshia. There are no expectations because they don’t know her, and it’s great. Also, I didn’t want to laugh, but when Ivan mentions how he’s way more attracted to her than Clare, I felt that in my bones.

And oof! Jess, I agree, Brendan is 100 percent hunk, but damn, Chris Harrison, why do you have to interrupt?

 

To All The Boys Clare [Didn’t] Love Before 

Jess: Chris takes Tayshia away and starts out being extremely extra: “How are you doing? I know you’re having a great night but everything is about to change no pressure.” Like let the girl settle in, while all the guys are staring from the window the way my dog looks while he waits for me to come home. 

This was probably a record for literally a) the most underwhelming limo entrances of all time and b) the earliest man to make himself the most hated in the house. 

Spencer walks out of the limo, and I immediately was like okay, so this man looks like a robot. Like, he looks like he was programmed by the producers to make a great impression on Tayshia and then immediately inflames tensions with all the men as they welcome him and he responds: “thanks, guys. So which one of you guys scared away Clare?” while the men instantly shun him. 

Also, did these men quarantine for the full 14 days? Because this timeline doesn’t really add up, ABC. 

Bennett sizes up the men with a jacket over the shoulder, JCPenny catalogue pose that he definitely learned from his time at Harvard. Iconic. 

The best part of this whole night? The men are all running up to Tayshia trying to get to her first to get time with her. A stark contrast to the awkward energy when no one asked Clare if she wanted to talk. Literal energy shift. 

Tayshia describes Spencer as, “definitely a guy I would go after,” introducing the lead being attracted to the villain storyline, which is further confirmed when he receives the first impression rose. Plus, there’s the introduction of Ed, who I’m pretty sure snuck in through the window of this suite to get on this show because I’ve never seen this man on this show before, ever. 

Tayshia cancels the rose ceremony and the guys rejoice because at least she didn’t just give a rose to herself @ you know who. 

Rebecca: I love that the producers gave Tayshia a few more men, but it really sucks for the 16 guys already there. I also never liked the cheesy way that men (or women) scream the lead’s name. It’s super cringey.

Spencer throws me off when he gets out of the limo. I’m not sure why, but it’s just vibes. Then, when he makes the joke about Clare, I see red. My men went through hell with Clare to finally get a chance with Tayshia. Spencer shouldn’t be throwing it back in their faces. I can already tell I’m not going to like him. The other three men—Montel, Peter (hello, Peter) and Noah—don’t seem too bad. I lost it when Noah walked out and one of the original men said, “I’m not worried about him.” 

The rest of the night had a “stanky ass” energy among the men due to the new arrivals, as Zac C. eloquently says. Around Tayshia, though, the energy is superb, especially when they all chase after her. I was pissed that Spencer steals her first, agreeing with my baby Brendan (damn, Jess. We’ve got a good one). 

I wasn’t too happy that the first impression rose went to Spencer. Many of the recent Bachelorettes end up with their first impression rose (minus Hannah B. and Becca who recently dumped Garrett). Though, I did love Bennett’s reaction to it. We’ll see how this plays out. 

I’m super proud of her for cancelling the Rose ceremony though. She’s really making an effort to get to know all of the men more. QUEEN TAYSHIA FOR THE WIN!

 

They Who Must Not be Named Returns

Jess: My immediate thought when Chris Harrison pops up and says, “you should be watching Tayshia’s first dates…” was “f***.” Like no, no, no. I don’t actually mind Clare and Dale together and I hope that they work out and are happy. But I have no need to see them on my television screen ever again. 

To sum this up quick: Chris Harrison is his usual fake and petty self. Clare awkwardly screams “babies” and everyone went silent when Chris Harrison asked what was next for her and Dale. Clare is over the moon when a man does the bare minimum for her and “shows up.” She continues to swear on her father’s grave that they never talked before the show and that it truly was a weird, seven seconds of eye contact, struck by lightning kind of love. 

Clare cries, and I scroll through Twitter. Now let’s get back to the show. 

Rebecca: We didn’t need to see Clare and Dale again. I do hope that they work out. Clare is a strong woman, and she deserves the best. Yet, I didn’t want to see them again.

I’m not even going to spend time on this. Y’all can read Jess’ summary above. Though, I do want to mention Dale's reaction to Clare screaming “babies” and he said “marriage.” Twitter couldn’t handle it. Clare and Dale seem to be on different pages, so hopefully they can work this out.

 

What the h*** is splashball? 

Jess: It seems like the producers require these leads to pretend to write in diaries or something because they can’t keep flashing the “La Quinta” sign every time they want to transition smoothly. 

Chris Harrison walks in and is like, “you guys can actually experience something you didn’t get to with Clare! A date where someone won’t ignore you the entire time!”

Cue the iconic Tayshia emerging from the pool scene which I am almost 100 percent certain the producers made her film more than 37 times. For reference, when Tayshia says it was hot, it was 120 degrees where filming is taking place. If you asked me to go on a date in 120 degree weather, I would probably wear a ski mask so the camera couldn’t see how sweaty and oily my skin would get. 

Tayshia demands the men take off their shirts, and all I can think is how Yosef would be screaming at Tayshia that he is “ashamed to be associated with her” and that this is “atrocious” at the thought of a return to speedos and shirts being removed on camera. 

After spending time in the pool, Chris Harrison is like, “oh, let’s play the classic game of splashball!” which no one has ever heard of before. The minute the camera showed that underwater shot I, again, wonder if these producers are trying to be sued because it seems like they’re trying extra hard this season to make a lawsuit happen. 

Twenty minutes into the game, robot-Spencer wakes up (from programming of the producers, no doubt) and immediately is injured. Tayshia comes over and assesses the injury while the camera pans to Kenny smiling in glee since he is super triggered by Spencer for some reason. 

The blue team wins, and Chris Harrison forces the green team to make another walk of shame home. 

Rebecca: Tayshia, don’t be worried! Most of the men are focused on you. I’m really vibing Bennett as a man, but maybe not for Tayshia. I guess I’ll have to see how they connect. 

What the h*ll is splashball? Also, the speedos borderline the dodgeball date, which took things way too far. That underwater shot is a lot. Spencer is still giving me off vibes. No one needs to get that aggressive unless they're compensating for something. It’s no wonder he gets hurt.

I never liked the dates where the losing team went home. I can understand letting the winners have some time, but don’t take away time from men who gave up everything during a pandemic to be there. I’m glad Tayshia allows everyone to go back for the group date after party. This is what a true Bachelorette should do.

 

White Dudes from California and Sad Boys

Jess: That therapy date clearly did a number on Jason, and I honestly felt bad for the guy even as he said, “I’m hanging on by a piece of floss,” as if that’s an expression. 

I’m getting super friend-zone vibes from Eazy and Tayshia. Like in theory, they would work well together but in execution I just feel no spark (ESPECIALLY COMPARED TO MY FAVS BRENDAN AND TAYSHIA). Also, Eazy says, “oh you know maybe this crazy 2020 pandemic, maybe this was all meant to be you know?” and I gotta disagree with Eazy on this one. I don’t think a pandemic of more than a million people dying worldwide happened so you could meet Tayshia and become an influencer, but okay. Nonetheless, he gets the date rose. 

Also, there’s nothing wrong with Zac, but I’m just not a fan of the Frank Jr., lowkey Matthew McConaughey vibes. But Tayshia and him definitely have a spark. She literally lights up around him, so I’m not mad about it. 

Then, we pan to Spencer who says, “the group date went well. Got the W obviously,” which is the most preppy, vineyard vines, white dude from California thing I have ever heard any man grace this show say. He then continues to tell Riley that if he needs any more “cracked ribs” to let him know. AKA he just gives off, as Kenny says, total d*** vibes. In which the men respond productively by nicknaming him “lunch meat” and “fried baloney sandwich” while producers cackle in the corner. 

Rebecca: I do feel bad for Jason, but yay Brendan for that one-on-one! I kind of want to skip right to his date rather than the after party where there will definitely be tension.

Most of the men are pretty good so far on the date. I’m feeling Eazy. He’s very cheesy, but he’s honest and all in for Tayshia. I don’t mind Zac C. either. Plus, he gets the first kiss. That counts for something. 

Of course, Spencer starts sh*t. Kenny is brutally honest, calling some kind of curse word that gets bleeped out. I’m guessing it has something to do with the male body part. Riley is also a bit harsh. The tension is real.

Spencer’s “side kiss” is very awkward. I appreciate the fake out with Tayshia addressing several of the men, including Spencer and Zac C. Yet, I’m glad the rose goes to Eazy. Tayshia is doing super well as the lead.

Back to Jason. He admits that he loves Clare and is super honest that he needs to leave. He doesn’t want to take any of the men’s time or Tayshia’s time. I’m feeling the support and brotherly love. He had that therapy date with Clare that tore him to shreds. 

Tayshia’s fear of the men being in love with Clare is realized, and she tells Jason that. Yet, Jason still acts like the best man out there and tells her the other 19 men are there for her. He’s a real man for owning up to his emotions. She’s scared of being a second choice, and I hope things look up for her.

 

Chris Harrison Works Overtime With A Guy That Can Rock a Turtleneck

Jess: From the minute this date started, the energy was immaculate. I don’t know what it is about Brendan or Brendan and Tayshia together but their energy is just a chill, easy vibe and I am absolutely here for it. 

Then Tayshia says something that has never been more true in Bachelorette history: “a guy that can rock a turtleneck can rock anything to be honest with you.”

THEN, just when you think this man cannot get anymore perfect, he brings up manifesting! AKA every witch, astrology and tarot girl out there who watches this show and has been into manifesting during quarantine lit up the minute he said this. He talks about vibes, energies, and I am just curious if this man has any rose quartz in his pocket. 

Chris Harrison comes in with the margaritas which honestly seems like a weird dream I would have during quarantine. But to see the montage of this man running again and again to meet them at different checkpoints, that was probably the best thing this show has ever done. A literal artistic vision. 

“You’ll never know when I’ll pop up next,” Chris says, in one of the truest moments on this show. 

Seeing Tayshia and Brendan in the pool, I was like these are two incredibly beautiful people who should be together. Despite the awkward kiss, I ship these two hardcore. 

Now, I don’t say this often when it comes to this show. Most of the time, I just smile about the couples or will be like “oh, they’re cute.” But for some reason, with Brendan and Tayshia, I legit felt butterflies, which almost never happens to me while watching this show. 

Maybe it’s the being quarantined for so long, the longing for a life without masks, but I really felt their energy. Hands down, this should be our winner. We stan this Scorpio-Virgo duo. 

Rebecca: The men are mourning the loss of Jason, and Tayshia needs reassurance from Brendan. Let’s hope Brendan can do that for her. He’s a favorite of mine so far, so don’t let me down.

That horse, though! How did they learn how to ride that quickly? Also, Chris keeps interrupting Brendan’s time with Tayshia. Brendan’s hoping to go in for the kiss, and then Chris appears. First the margaritas, and then the ice cream. The coconuts. I love you, Chris, but let the man have his time and space! 

Finally! That kiss in the pool! That is a kiss any girl would dream about. I’m speechless. I want a Brendan.

Okay, I know the spoilers. I know who Brendan is. Brendan’s also been divorced just like Tayshia. He’s scared to tell her because he’s worried he’ll be sent home. He also proclaims he’s not the best looking or smartest in the house. Brendan’s got some insecurities which is truly heartwarming. He’s not overly confident nor drowning in his insecurities; he’s a real guy with real feelings.

The story of his first marriage makes me want to cry, especially considering he wanted kids and his ex-wife didn’t. Tayshia relates to Brendan with her own divorce story. There’s a genuine connection that brings them together. The fact that he’s down for five kids makes me melt.

I tend to read recaps of the episodes. I love seeing how others reacted too. Overall, I think this article is right; Brendan is really making me believe that The Bachelorette could work again. I see the love, too, Brendan. I see it. Tayshia feels the connection. She believes they could genuinely work. Also, fireworks are 100 percent one of my favorite things in the world. Those fireworks are quite the metaphor for THE BEST LOVE STORY OF THE SEASON! Calling it right now.

 

Bonus Scene: “The Stache”

Rebecca: BENNETT AND HIS BONUS SCENES GET ME EVERY TIME! Bennett is with another man (honestly, don’t know who he is, so he’s not relevant to me), and they’re talking about Noah’s mustache. They joke how it’s not November and Noah should’ve shaved it during quarantine. I AGREE. The way he’s combing it gives me villain vibes, and based on the coming attractions for next week, he’s going to be a problem.

 

Finally, we’re getting The Bachelorette everyone wanted. Of course, I hate excessive drama, but I love Tayshia. I really hope she’s happy at the end of this.