I Made my Boyfriend Watch Hocus Pocus for the First Time and Here are Some of my Favorite Things That He Said

 

 

No October (also known as Spooky Szn) for me is complete without watching Hocus Pocus at least once. I grew up this way, so I’m contractually obligated to my mother to continue this tradition. By blood oath or something … But more like through my enjoyment of a quality family friendly adventure featuring a talking black cat, three goofy witches and a horny devil. Wait, what?

 

SPOILER ALERT: There will be spoilers for Hocus Pocus, if you couldn’t tell.

(source)

  1. 1.  Our overall discussion revolving the cast

    He is a Film Studies minor, so almost all of what he kept saying were about the actors. 

     

    For example, he recognized Doug Jones in the opening credits and not anyone like, say, Bette Midler or Sarah Jessica Parker. 

     

    Speaking of Sarah Jessica Parker, he told me, “the only thing I know about SJP is Sex and the City … and that people think she looks like a horse.” How dare he!! 

     

    Later on, when Doug Jones’s character (Billy Butcherson) was about to show up in the movie he said, and I quote, “Oh it’s gunna be a guy in a costume, because Doug Jones doesn’t act without a latex mask.” It’s okay, I didn’t understand how he knew that, either. In Billy’s first scene, he said, “This is the most he has looked like himself in a movie.” Only a film studies student, right?

     

    He also DEIGNED to tell me, when I asked him if he realized that Bette Midler plays Winifred, to say, “I confuse Bette Midler with Barbara Streisand and Meryl Streep because they all fit into the same niche.”

     

    Does anyone know why I’m dating this boy? I suddenly forgot (haha just kidding …?). 

     

    We also argued about who the voice of Binx is. I thought it was Sean Murray (who plays Human Thackery), but apparently it’s actually a different person named Jason Marsden.

  2. 2. All of his roasts

    Winifred: “I am beautiful!!” 

    BF: “Debatable.”

     

    Thackery’s Dad: “What hast thou done to my son, Thackery??” 

    BF: “Put him out of his misery for being called Thackery ...”

     

    BF: “I wonder how they got away with all these nooses.” 

    Me: “Well, it’s factual ...” 

    BF: “That’s never stopped Disney before.”

     

    “This kid is everyone I’ve ever went to high school with,” BF said about Max—and not in a positive way.

    Winifred: “What a fool to give up thine life for thy’s sister’s.” 

    BF: “Yeah I wouldn’t do that.”

  3. 3. His comments about the overt sexuality of the jokes in the movie

    He pointed out, when Max was talking to Allison at her house, that “everything Max says to Allison is overtly sexual.” 

     

    Dani, in the Sanderson Sisters’ Cabin: “A virgin lit the candle.” 

    BF: “This is a DISNEY movie!!!”

     

    Mary: “7 … Maybe 8 ½.” 

    Sarah: “Let’s play with her!!” 

    BF: “That’s enough to put them on a watch list.”

     

    BF, during the scene where the Sanderson sisters rode the bus: “They [the sisters] said they wanted children. I thought pedophelia, he [the bus driver] thought commitment.”

     

    Surprisingly, he said nothing about the guy dressed up as a devil?

     

    BF, when he saw that Allison slept over with Max in the middle of the movie: “He’s not a virgin anymore ...”

     

    His reaction to Sarah luring the neighborhood children with her song: “I’m uncomfortable.”

 

 

Overall, I loved watching Hocus Pocus with him, even when he was talking about the actors instead of paying attention to plot points. This is definitely an awesome movie to watch with your significant other this spooky season, especially if they don’t like horror!