There are endless reasons that you could be taken to the hospital. Have you ever thought about the fact that enough people have been injured while having sex that they made a TV show out of it?
On TLC’s show “Sex Sent Me to the ER,” three couples are juggled in an episode, telling their story while a dramatization of said story is being acted out. The reenactment is usually very ridiculous and funny, which is why my girlfriend and I keep watching it. Here are some of my favorite moments:
1) Tony
I would like to start out with one of the most fake-looking dramatizations that I’ve seen on the show. Tony is in one of the very first episodes and he spends most of the episode talking about how he simply fell out of a window (in his very Italian accent). He gets upset when they call his wife to the hospital, who just ends up yelling at him. He would say things like, “I was cleaning the windows!” and she would respond with “I’ve never seen you clean a window a day in your life!” or “But why were you naked?” It was golden. We find out at the end that he was having sex with a prostitute while his wife was away for the weekend, then refused to pay her so she pushed him out of his upstairs window. The best part is the green-screened clip of him flying out of the window naked at the very end.
2) “I wanna make love to you in the air”
I probably shouldn’t keep picking on the people in the show with accents different from my own, but this couple with a Southern accent is another very funny episode with ridiculous dramatizations. At the beginning, they’re described as very adventurous and you get a “how can this possibly go wrong?” vibe from them. They’re going to get ready to go sky diving, and the woman asks her husband if he wants to have sex while in the sky. He doesn’t seem thrilled about the idea at first, but he agrees to it, gets injured after not opening the parachute fast enough, and ends up in the hospital. How would you even go about this? How would it even be satisfying?
3) Vibrator up where?
This is one of the more disturbing episodes to watch. A couple went to the hospital saying that the woman had a small vibrator inside of her. They were convinced it was in her urethra, not her vagina. The doctor said that was physically impossible until they did an x-ray and saw it in her bladder. She was in so much pain; I can’t imagine going through the same thing. She was fine in the end, but how traumatic that must’ve been!
4) Bees?
Having sex in public is never a good idea. This twenty-something guy with a bad Green Day tattoo on his chest and his cougar girlfriend decided it was. They found a park where they had sex on top of what they thought was an inactive beehive. Turns out, there were bees everywhere and the woman was allergic to them! Unfortunately, the actual couple who was stung were also the ones doing the reenactment, meaning the horrific Green Day tattoo the guy had was 100% real. My girlfriend kept asking me to pause the episode so she could stare at it.
5) Watermelon
Speaking of allergies, another man didn’t consider what the person he’s having sex with might be allergic to. A couple who apparently hadn’t seen each other since kindergarten recently found each other as adults and decided they were going to bang. To prepare, the woman put romantic lights on the roof of her apartment building. The man ate watermelon and put watermelon juice on his penis because his friend told him it might help make the sex better. Instead, it sent them to the emergency room.
6) Spooky sex
Almost as enthusiastic as the one woman in the sky, another woman wanted to have sex with her boyfriend in a cemetery. He didn’t seem completely sure of the idea, and she was probably a little too rough with him. She ends up accidentally pushing him into an open grave. Then when she calls for help, she doesn’t think to mention that they should bring a ladder. This was just frustrating because then this poor man was stuck down there in his underwear even longer!
7) Paulo
This couple regularly referred to the man’s penis as “Paulo” so that they could talk about it in public while being discreet. They were having sex and the woman accidentally “broke” his penis and she seemed to be more concerned about the fact that she could be losing “Paulo” instead of how her husband might feel. At the hospital, she was freaking out while the doctors were figuring out what was wrong. In a panic, she calls their neighbors for support. Apparently, these neighbors are also their 60 year-old church friends who rush to the hospital to ask what’s wrong and make the room even more tense. It frustrates me how upset the woman got because she could have just not called them! There was no reason for them to know about this. She eventually explains to them what is going on and someone in the group shouts “His penis is broken! His penis is broken!”
These were some of my favorite ridiculous moments from “Sex Sent Me to the ER.” I highly recommend you find your own or watch the clips of these.