Singleness is something that is typically disliked and can cause a large amount of distress and self-loathing in someone’s life. Many people seek romantic relationships for a sense of fulfillment and have a strong desire to find this “special someone” as if a relationship is the missing puzzle piece that will make them whole. It could almost feel to someone that their entire life’s purpose is to have that romantic relationship that makes all the worries and struggles of reality go away. Singleness is looked at as a burden or something that is hated. But what if singleness was viewed as an opportunity? That phrase may instantly be something that disgusts you or something that feels overheard, or done before. But if you really crack down on what you want and need, you may understand that you were whole this entire time, and finding that special someone one day is simply an added bonus.
Are you really single?
Ask yourself this question before reading further. Are you really single? Are you truly not with anyone? Whether it be some guy you flirt with occasionally, a situationship, or an ex, is there someone out there that is taking up time and space, even if it is just in your head? If you have someone constantly preoccupying your mind, you may be physically single, but mentally you are not. This question is so important to ask yourself before you can enjoy being single, because how are you going to be able to fully embrace yourself if you are consistently worried about what someone else you desire a romantic connection with is thinking? Being single is the ideal time to get into the nitty gritty parts of yourself. It is the time to discover all the things that you can be interested in and build confidence in yourself so that when you do seek out a partner, you seek out one that supports you in what those interests are. Fully embracing and enjoying your singleness starts when you let go of your one-sided commitment to someone else and make that commitment to yourself instead.
Why do you hate being single?
Why is being single so hated? There are so many times that people are craving and begging to be in relationships for really no good reason. Serial daters are constantly trying out new people to see how they fit as if they were in a dressing room at the mall trying to figure out the perfect outfit. But really, what is the desire? Typically, this behavior stems from the desire of wanting to be known. Wanting someone who understands you. Someone to go to every day whose job is to listen and be there for you. Desiring this level of intimacy is normal. Everyone desires companionship. Everyone wants relationships, whether it be in the form of romantic or platonic, and having someone important is a common desire. But the problem comes when it goes from a desire, something fun that you feel you would enjoy, to a showing of self-hatred that you are trying to mask in the form of a partner-sized bandage. Evaluate your desires when seeking a relationship. Do you actually want a relationship because you think you would enjoy it, or do you only seek a partner because you are terrified of being with yourself?
Situationships end once you ask yourself what you want
A very common reason many people dread being single is that they have someone they are holding out for. It is common to view the time that you are single as a waiting area before you are in the place where you want to be. If this is the mindset that you have, you probably have someone in mind that you want a relationship with. This is making your time being single less of a relaxing time to get to know yourself, and more of a time that you are loathing while waiting for that person to figure out what they want. If you are currently stuck in a situationship, ask yourself why you want that person so badly. Are they adding to your life in a positive manner, or adding stress? Do you want to be with someone that cannot communicate their intentions with your relationship properly to you? Try not to spend all your time stressing trying to figure out if they like you, and instead figure out if they are even worth liking since they have been wasting your time and mental energy without adding a satisfying relationship to your life. If you don’t want to be stuck in a situationship, realize that the energy you are wasting begging someone to see you could be spent on you seeing and loving yourself. This is significantly more beneficial in the long run, rather than chasing someone that has proven to be unclear and indecisive in their desires for you. If it is meant to be, it will be. Let go, and treat yourself properly.
“Forever alone” Mentality
For numerous people going into their adulthood, or having been there for a long time, it is common to hear phrases in the realm of being “forever alone”, or this belief that there will never be anyone out there for them to have a fulfilling romantic relationship. When you reach adulthood, you begin to see numerous people you know get married or start to have kids. This can be extremely intimidating to you if relationships have never been your thing, and can lead to spiraling and confusion as to when your time will come. Despite all of this, claiming that you will be alone forever is a deeply pessimistic and unrealistic statement to make. If you desire a partnership and are open to what happens, someone can come around in a matter of seconds and change your life. But rather than having the narrative that you NEED someone to come around, ask yourself if you actually want that, or if you are just comparing yourself to where your friends are at in their life. And SPOILER ALERT – there are no levels or rankings in life. There is no age you need to be married at. You do not need to be married and have kids by 27; you are capable of doing all the things that you desire on the timeline you were given. Trust that life will take you on the journey you are supposed to go on, and do not worry about how you are supposed to get there.
Enjoying your singleness
Enjoying being single while craving an intimate relationship may seem like a difficult or next-to-impossible task. It seems like something that is only said in self-help books or podcasts that consistently repeat how singleness is an exciting time in your life and blah blah blah. We have heard it all before, but have you actually made note of what enjoying being single could mean? Real, true, no-one-on-standby single. No one that you daydream about on the way to your 11 am class, just truly single. How can this be enjoyable? Well, you are really only single for a short period of time. With the average lifespan extending, even if you found someone later in life, you could still be with them for 50 years. That is a LONG TIME. So, what is the rush to find someone? Find yourself first. What are your hobbies? What do you want to try? What places do you want to go to? Now that you are no longer in high school, you have been given more freedom to find yourself, especially if you are no longer under your parents’ roof. You create your own schedule, your friendships have a new sense of maturity, and your life is on a completely different trail than it used to be. Let yourself process this. Enjoy your friendships, give yourself time for you, and prioritize your own wants and needs. Let yourself fully figure out who you are and what you want, so that when that partner walks into your life, you can be confident that the time you dedicated to yourself was worth the journey that led you to that person.