Truth be told, I do not always feel like an adult.
Yes, driving my dad’s car for the first time was exciting (to say the least), going to the mall with friends without any parental supervision felt exhilarating, and being able to pay for family members’ Christmas gifts is a proud and joyful sensation that I look forward to year after year. I may be doing the adult “things”, but deep down, I believe that many of us still wish to be young again. It can be exhausting to list all of the responsibilities in your head, and with becoming older comes the comparison game. If you ever feel overwhelmed, exhausted, behind, or even if you feel as though you aren’t trying “hard enough”, then these next few lessons are for you.
Leave every room a bit kinder, not more well known
Whether it be wanting to become this year’s prom queen, or to be the girl with the most Instagram followers as a freshman in college, it is normal to have the desire to be known. Having an encouraging group of friends that you can get coffee and take photos with feels exciting, it helps you feel included. And though it is good to find an amazing group of girls to spend quality time with, by making legendary memories and some of the best inside jokes, it is good to remember to be inclusive as well. When I pass from this Earth, and as abrupt as this may sound, I do not want to be remembered for the number of Instagram followers I had or for being the prettiest girl in my IT class. I want to be remembered for showing love to those who never felt it, showing kindness even if I didn’t feel like they deserved it and for encouraging those who feel like they just can’t get ahead, like how I feel at times. Sometimes kindness can create the best friendships, and even better opportunities.
If you are too focused to change yourself to please this world, it will become even harder to change the world
After watching some women’s conferences with inspirational speakers and panels during the month of May, I would still find myself laying on the couch, eating a batch of cookie dough, and looking through some of the greatest Met Gala looks that year. Not only are some of the dresses absolutely gorgeous, but the looks of each attendee were almost picturesque. Zendaya’s jawline, the body of Gemma Chan, the intricate hairstyles of Blake Lively… need I say more? And after years of putting this upon myself, here is the main lesson learned: There will always be someone more blank than you. There will always be a prettier girl in my IT class, and there will always be that girl who goes to the gym 7 days a week (I applaud you, even if you work out only once a week.) But the truth, dear reader, is that each of us is made to be set apart. It is easy for me to tell you to be proud of your accomplishments and to look in the mirror and say, “I am a gorgeous queen, and I’m serving” so loudly that your roommate decides to join you.
It is easy for me to tell you to just be yourself and everything will okay. Truth be told, as hard as this season may have been, it will be okay. But you are not just okay, you are lovely. Do not try to change yourself for this world, because so many people would miss out on the genuine and wonderful you.
Change is okay
We are coming to the age when our friends are marrying their high school sweethearts, a friend of mine even flew to Africa for an internship, and a guy friend recently bought a house with a dog. Yes, he has his own dog. His own adorable dog. Being similar to the comparison game, you may look at your friends or past classmates and think, “What am I doing? Why can’t my life be nearly as exciting?”. But what took me some time to learn, and what I am still learning, is that everyone’s life will look a little different. Each of our lives has its own timeline, and I assure you, dear reader, that you are not behind. It is often that we may lose ourselves during this journey, but sometimes, it helps us to discover who we are.
The girl that flew to Africa for her internship, one of the first things she said to me when we met again back in Washington was, “I was so intimidated by how smart you were when I met you, but you are literally so sweet… and still smart.” I am actually looking at that quote, right now, in my phone. (Pro tip: When someone gives you a memorable compliment, write it down in your notes, and save it to read in the future whenever you feel doubtful about yourself. It gives a great boost of encouragement!) Sometimes we just need a little encouragement, other times we need that really cool friend working in Africa who is selflessly serving so many people to bring out the light in us. And though her life is different than mine, and my life is different than hers, we are still on our own timeline. Both of our lives have changed and will continue to change as life goes on. And as hard as it can be to embrace certain changes, remember that it took some of the hardest decisions, the most painful moments, and even the embarrassing memories to shape you into who you are today.