WHat is it?
The ick is a term to define an experience in which you are disgusted by someone’s actions, and it causes you to lose feelings or change the way you feel about someone. The ick can be something simple, or big, but it causes a perspective shift in who someone is. While the ick is something that is typically described as a negative experience to someone, it is also a way of being able to sense a red flag that will cause problems in the relationship in the future. The ick shows an incompatibility in the partnership and something to keep your eye out for if that is genuinely a person you want a future with. Rather than thinking of the ick as silly thing that should be ignored, it is time to take notes on actions you cannot defend that can potentially lead to a negative future experience.
You Can Not Fix them
You cannot fix who you are with, and you SHOULD NOT want to either. Your partner is not a project that demands rebuilding but is instead a living, breathing human being who has to work on themselves to become healthy. The hard truth of the matter is that no matter what you do, say, or how much you care will change the capabilities of someone who does not want to change. Take your energy elsewhere. There is so much more contentment in being the person who gets up, realizes her worth, and leaves, rather than begging someone to treat you with basic respect.
While being delusional can seem like the fun and exciting option, and it is actually so much more fun to put your focus on someone healthier for you, getting your desired attention, it is not a healthy option. Recognizing that you are worth more than someone who is not putting in effort is so much better than actively pursuing a relationship with someone who cannot commit to what you want. Because SPOILER ALERT: If you actively tell them what you want and they cannot say the same, do not waste your time.
Get to the point where when you get the ick for someone, you no longer think “oh, I can change them,” but instead think “they are ugly for that.” Because it does not matter how hot or cool someone seems. If they have a bad heart and impure intentions, then they are showing their true colors and do not deserve you dropping everything you can for them.
Red flags are a sign to run
It is important to know what actions are causing you to get the ick, and how they affect how you feel about a person. If the person you spend time with does something that causes you to feel differently about them, this is not something to ignore, but instead something to look into and process as a potential red flag. When someone shows you their true colors, and all you see are red flags, this is a sign to stop and remove yourself from the situation, not actively engage and try to fix it. Do not commit to the poor treatment of your character.
To sum up
If you are getting the ick from the person you are hanging out with, that is probably your subconscious showing you their red flags and warning you to get away. The right person is going to do things that consistently build you up, and that is attractive. With the right person, you will be secure in where you stand, you’re going to be calm, and the anxiety that comes from the unknown will not be there. Going after the same toxicity repeatedly is going to tire you out. Do not seek out what is not right for you and try to change it. Wait until the right thing comes instead.
So let yourself get the ick. Let yourself see their red flags. And when they exhibit those red flags, stop and leave.