In theory, I seem organized, responsible even, but in reality, I usually don’t feel like it. Life is less about having everything all together. It’s about being selective with your type A and type B moments.
This means I roll out of bed twenty minutes before I have to be at work, while also starting my homework a week before it is due. The problem is that the outcome is generally the same. I’m right on time for both. Usually, even I am surprised when I find myself fully dressed, hair done, coffee made, and at my desk in time for my shift to start.
And I can’t explain it, but I am always twenty minutes early or five minutes late to anything else. Rarely in between; somehow, I can never get the math to math. I swear time blindness is real. Or maybe I am just easily distracted.
Both my calendar and closet are organized by color and category, yet it takes me on average 48 hours to wash my dishes. Something about doing them immediately is just out of the question most days.
I prioritize physical activity and drink my body weight in water every day, but seem to always have at least one meal that resembles girl dinner.
Since I deleted Instagram two weeks ago, I’ve been making connections and scrolling on LinkedIn like I know what that means. And when adulting feels like too much, I do a deep dive on the internet, allowing myself to find dream careers, new opportunities, and adventures. Because obviously, planning my entire future is easier than calling the doctor.
Most days, the only food in my fridge is Greek yogurt and Chobani coffee creamer, my conditioner always seems to be empty, and my socks don’t always match, but I tend to have an endless list of plans for each day, to the point where most days feel like I live ten lives.
I never noticed the level of functional chaos I partake in until I came to college. I prefer to wait until after I have completed at least one class before even attempting to make my bed. Possibly because I wake up at the last possible second. Shocking, I know.
There is no argument that I don’t tend to function mostly as a type A person. However, I am realizing there is a certain freedom in allowing my type B to have space to grow. Some things are simply not worth the energy to stress about. No one can be organized all the time. And I have stopped trying to be. Some days I wake up knowing where I will be from 5 am to 12 am, and other days I wake up, and it’s all I can do is just go to class.
Honestly, that’s fine. Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter how long it took me to do the dishes or how early I started my homework assignment. I still get where I want to be in the end. What does “having it together” really even mean?