Many times, as girls, we are frustrated because guys think differently than us. We are left with questions like, “Is he being nice or is he flirting?” “How do you seem to be besties with everyone you have ever met?” Instead of continuing to wonder, I asked women to send some questions they’ve been dying to know the answers to. So, welcome to “Guys Tell All,” the one-stop article to get an insight into the male brain (at least, the ones that I talked to at GCU).
Do you really only need a football to find your best friends?
Honestly, the answer to this question was 50/50, yes and no. That being said, all of the nos simply were because those guys don’t enjoy playing football, so it seems logical that this isn’t where they would find their best friends. Upon further questioning, I discovered that the heart of the question is wondering if guys simply connect quickly over what girls would perceive as almost nothing, and the answer to this is, YES. One guy stated that he simply asked a guy about the jersey he was wearing and is now friends with him over a year later, and another guy explained that he was randomly assigned a guy as a roommate for a GCU Discover trip, and now they are best friends. The resounding consistency was that most guys could not understand why it takes girls longer to consider each other friends.
What do you see first in a girl?
The short answer to this question is authenticity. The longer answer is that many guys notice if a girl’s smile is genuine, her humor, and her energy or vibe. I think with this, the takeaway is that guys are not looking for you to look a certain way or say specific things; they just want to see who you are. If they are the right guy, they are not going to hope you were someone else.
What are you looking for?
Due to the fact that GCU is a Christian university, it makes sense that most of the guys’ immediate answer consisted of things like loving Jesus, having a biblical foundation, and seeking God-given-purpose. Other answers were that they are looking for maturity, independence, intelligence, and the ability to be spontaneous. One guy said, “I like fun… if she can’t have fun, it’s not going to work.” I think, again, the takeaway for us girls is living in a way that brings you joy, as well as being productive in your time of singleness. That will attract the energy that you are looking for.
How do you know if a guy is interested?
Honestly, this was one of the most popular questions from you girls. It is no surprise that many girl talks consist of a debate about whether a guy is actually interested or if we are just delusional. Most of the guys I asked said that they showed interest by going out of their way to talk to a girl or find excuses to be around her. One said he even threw the girl he liked into a pool. Many of them were adamant that they believed in guys clearly stating their intent and interest, so girls are not left guessing. I don’t really think this is a universal principle; however, if you know the guy you are wondering about thinks this way, it should help you be able to figure out his intent.
What is the difference between being outgoing & Flirting?
The answers to this one made me laugh. My favorite response to my questions was, “You flirt.” By this, he meant there should be a clear difference. Almost all of the guys expressed that flirting would consist of more compliments and have a different intention behind the interaction than an outgoing interaction would have. One guy’s perspective was that an outgoing person should be able to make it really clear, “If he’s interested, he should just tell you. If a person is confused about whether they are outgoing or flirting, it is not worth your time.”
What is something effortlessly attractive that girls don’t realize they do?
Most of the guys I asked seemed to think that a girl’s mannerisms when interacting with them can be adorably endearing. They mentioned things like the way she looks at them, or how she plays with her hair, or even the tone of her voice. They weren’t saying girls should do these things, just that they found it attractive in girls they already liked. Others mentioned that it’s attractive when a girl can recognize and see a guy on an emotional level.
What does masculinity mean to you?
Again, being at GCU, many of the guys who identified as Christians said that they wanted to live as closely as they could in the example of how Christ treated the church. This would include lowering themselves and living not in pride but in the service of others in their life. This would not be done to perform but to be consistent, confident, reliable, and wise. One even discussed toxic masculinity, saying, “There are a lot of guys who want to have the appearance of reliability but want none of responsibility, and it’s obvious.” They all said to look for someone mature and confident enough in who they are that they can be stable and consistent for you.
What do you find unattractive in a girl?
Most of the guys’ answers had more to do with habits and attitudes that make it hard to connect than with appearance. They said things like being a screenager, not communicating, low effort, or an unwillingness to grow. Several also said habits like smoking and vaping were a red flag. I think the thing we can take away from this question is that we don’t have to look a certain way to be attractive, and by no means should we simply change for a guy, but things like healthy communication, effort, and intentionality can make a huge difference in relationships. This could be romantic or even just in your friendships.
Talking with these guys helped show me that even though men and women may approach things differently at times, a lot of us are looking for similar things: someone we get along with, communication, effort, and clarity. While these answers are not universal by any means, I do think that even this small sample size can give us all hope that there are guys who have simple and genuine intentions when it comes to interacting with girls. Many of them even seemed to want to impart wisdom and insight into how simple it can be when someone communicates well. If this did nothing else, I hope it cleared up a few of our most common questions and showed you that asking the questions is the first step to gaining at least a small piece of understanding.