One of my biggest insecurities is my singlehood. I hate that even when I am fully satisfied in my friendships, career aspects, and hobbies the question “why am I still single?” trickles in. Do people not find me attractive? How does one go on a date? Why can everyone else find someone? I start to feel like I missed out on an experience in my young adult life. Dating and relationships seem to be a rite of passage that I just did not really experience. Then all the sudden I find myself as a junior in college, the time of life when people are supposed to get their “ring before spring” and yet I am still single. The icing on the cake is that Christmas season has a special way of reminding you where you were last year and where you thought you would be by this year. Every year thoughts of “well maybe next year I’ll bring someone home” bubble up.
I do not mean to rant on and on from such a bleak perspective. I share because I do not think I am the only one. Through conversations with friends, I have learned that I am not alone in this feeling. I have so many beautiful and incredible friends that have never been in a relationship and feel this same pressure. They all have so much going for themselves, yet they find themselves with this same insecurity of being single. It can feel so isolating but it is not an isolated experience. I look at my incredible friends and I think to myself how can they not see how incredible they are? That their singleness has nothing to do with the quality of the kind of person they are.
Truly at the end of the day I think we all realize that our singleness does not define us. It is easy though to take the thing that seems different about ourselves and use it as a destructive tool to point out where we feel we are falling short. It is important to recognize that this insecurity is not coming from a place of truth but rather just that – a place of insecurity. This is not who we are but rather a detail of our life. If you look outside of what is in your realm of control for satisfaction you will never find it. I think singleness can feel like a problem that needs to be fixed. That once I get a boyfriend, I will not be so lonely. Or once I get a boyfriend, I will feel attractive. A person will never heal an insecurity within yourself.
There is so much goodness already inside of you. It is as if you went to Trader Joes and bought organic and delicious groceries to make meals yet instead you continue to buy takeout. All the nourishing groceries are rotting in the fridge while you are trying to find fulfillment in meals that will not fulfill you in the same way. Take time to cultivate the goodness inside of you. Being single is not as abnormal as it can sometimes feel. At the end of the day, you will always have yourself. Take time to nourish and care for the person you are not within someone else.