Recently, I was flying home and had a connecting flight at an airport I’m unfamiliar with. My first flight was significantly delayed, and what should have been a relaxing layover turned into a frenzy. I got off the airplane 20 minutes before my gate was about to close, and no idea where to go or what to do. After a moment of panicking, I called the first person I thought of. My dad. He pulled up a map of the airport and gave me directions, staying on the line as I sprinted through the airport and took multiple trains to transfer to my terminal. I got to the gate with only seconds to spare and ran onto the jetway with a flush of relief and exhaustion. In that moment, I knew that without my dad’s help, I never would have made it to the gate in time. Although I have been independent to a fault since I was little, I am learning the value of asking others for help even though it is completely against my nature.
A common struggle for individuals in their late teens and early- to mid-20s is determining and balancing their level of independence during this transitional phase. Some people are still fully financially supported by their parents while others are entirely on their own, and many are somewhere in the middle. After graduating high school, it’s common to explore new steps like working a “grown-up” job, paying bills, buying a car, or moving into an apartment. Even going to college instills a significant amount of independence and determination to take charge of one’s future. However, as with all of life, embarking on the journey of growing up and gaining more independence will result in countless failures. These can make people question their maturity, independence, and ability to function in the adult world. So how do you work towards a journey of independence while learning and growing from failures along the way?
The first step to learning how to balance independence is to ask for help and ask for it often. This may sound counterintuitive because the whole point of independence is being able to do things on your own, right? More often than not, people want to be seen as capable but label it as independence instead. When boiled down, the whole idea of independence can become somewhat arrogant and far-fetched. People are born with certain gifts and talents and develop others over time, making everyone unique. These different areas of expertise are important, and you won’t have much fun trying to shove yourself into the box of someone else’s gift. Instead, identify what your gifts are and what you are capable of, and use this knowledge to ask for help when you know someone who may be better equipped than you. Asking for help, making collaborations, and finding compromises are challenging experiences, but they demonstrate both humility and maturity. There are some things in life that one person simply cannot do on their own, and by accepting this and asking for help when needed, people can approach problems strategically.
Additionally, it can be irritating and demoralizing to work towards becoming an independent adult and still feel treated like a child by parents and family members. This feels like ignorance of all the achievements you have reached, like you must start from square one all over again and build your way back to independence. In reality, parents treat you like a child because you are their child, and the help and experience they express in your life comes from the lessons they have already learned. No matter how old you get or how independent you feel, loved ones will continue to look out for you and offer helping hands whenever they can, and part of practicing capability is accepting this help.
Although it’s easier said than done, don’t pressure yourself to do it all at once. Trying to pay for an apartment, buy a car, get insurance, and pay bills is overwhelming when each collides. If there are resources available to you, take small steps toward becoming a capable grown-up, because no one expects you to be grown and on your own overnight. Soak in lessons from those who have gone before you and learn how to ask for help. Although the concept of independence sounds grown-up and fun, it’s an unrealistic approach and often turns people off to the idea of asking for help. You cannot do it all on your own, so celebrate those who offer helping hands and are there with you as you grow up.