No matter who you are, you have likely at some point experienced the stress of a toxic relationship, whether a platonic relationship or otherwise. It’s an exhausting cycle of emotions that ultimately leaves you with one massive feeling of regret. As someone who got out of an unhealthy relationship several months ago during quarantine—and as someone who knows many people who were in similar situations—I can say from experience that the worst and most long-lasting emotion felt at the end of it was regret.
There are a lot of things to be regretted after the end of a relationship with someone who was bad for you; regret about things that you did, regret about things that they did, regret that things ended, regret that things didn’t end sooner. But at some point, the thing you regret the most is that you ever dated them in the first place.
I think it’s really hard to look back on a toxic relationship you had with someone and reflect on all the negative things that person did to you without feeling like a complete idiot for ever tolerating their behavior. I spent a very long time after my breakup regretting that I’d stayed with my partner so long, even that I’d dated them at all. It made me feel really small and foolish that I’d let so many of the hurtful things they did slide, especially when I’d talk to people about it and they’d look at me as if I was the stupidest person alive for staying with my partner for so long.
But the fact of the matter is that people who question why you stayed with a toxic person instead of asking why that person was so toxic in the first place are assholes. Whether they’re an ex-friend or ex-partner, you cared for them and it’s hard to really process that the people you care for would hurt you. You wanted to believe the best in them; that’s not something you should regret doing and it’s not something that makes you stupid. And as much as it may have sucked to experience, processing that a past relationship was bad for you helps you to recognize your self-worth and what you deserve. That is certainly not something to regret.