Ask Her!

As a college student, I’m always seeking advice from friends and family and always giving some. Here are some questions that were sent our way here at HerCampus this week, for our advice column! 

1. Dear Her, what is the best way to break up with someone? 

Breaking up with someone is never easy and it’s usually painful for both sides of the relationship. Before you break up with somebody, definitely make sure it’s something you want to do and have evaluated why exactly you feel it’s best to go your separate ways. Once you come to the conclusion that you feel it’s best for you to end the relationship, meet your significant other in person. Don’t even think about texting an explanation; it’s the worst way together. In light of the COVID-19 crisis, resorting to FaceTime or even Skype is better than just texting about this. I would begin the conversation by discussing your feelings about your relationship and why you feel it’s best to not be together anymore. However, make sure to list out the good that came out of your relationship, and highlight that it wasn’t compensating for the issues that are leading to this. At the same time, allow your boyfriend or girlfriend to be able to speak their feelings about the situation. They need a moment to process everything as well so just make sure they feel heard and to have a discussion about breaking up and not just make it more one sided about you. Remember, both of your relationships are ending; not just yours. 

2. Dear Her, how do you deal with “situationships” when you feel you need a label? 

I completely understand the frustration and confusion that come from being in a predicament like this. I feel that if you’re just vibing with someone in a “situationship” and you feel the need to address what exactly is happening between you guys, definitely don’t be afraid to start a conversation. You’ll get to discuss your feelings as well as hear the truth about what the other person generally wants out of it. If the other person especially doesn’t seem eager to talk about it or put a label or anything, then keep that in mind when considering if you should continue to spend time with the other person. Your time is valuable and it deserves to be with someone who actually values it and you. 

3. Dear Her, I thought this person and I had friendship chemistry, but they rejected my friendship offer. What do I do? 

My advice would be to just branch out and continue to find more people you have friendship chemistry with. If that person rejected your offer, they definitely are not prepared to have your back for when you really do need a friend. There is no reason trying to force a friendship with a person who won’t be a good friend and has to think about it and then rejects your offer at being friends. Join clubs and organizations you have an interest in and you’ll make friends before you know it! Even now with the COVID-19 crisis, don’t be afraid to join local Facebook groups that interest you and don’t be afraid to talk to people that you find a lot in common with. 

4. Dear Her, what are some ways to keep the mind occupied during this time? 

In these uncertain times, our mind can get overwhelmed with the negative news we are hearing on the daily. Journaling is also a good way to be able to express your feelings that you're going through as well to help organize your thoughts. I would say write down everyday something good or a “high” of the day. Stay in contact with friends as well if you can virtually and talk to your family about what’s on your mind as well. It can be anything, as long as it makes you feel happy or feel positive to remind yourself there is something to look forward to everyday. Also, don’t be afraid to take a detox from coronavirus updates. It is a stressful, confusing, and sad time for a lot of us and stepping away from that for a minute to collect yourself and focus on something else like the goals you made will help your mind find more. 

5. Dear Her, how do I stay motivated when classes are online? What about staying focused? 

I think the best way to stay motivated with classes being online is to put your phone away during it. There’s a reason why so many classes have a strict no screens policy, because it's distracting and you're not motivated to actually listen to the lecture. Besides that, develop a schedule for studying and relaxing at your own pace so you get work done and can have some down time. Don’t try to get too comfortable being at home. I know I associate being at home with relaxing and being able to spend time with my family. However, establish with your family that from certain hours of the day you are studying and learning and not just back to watch Netflix. Also, keep up with the study groups that you are in this semester, FaceTime, BlueJeans or Skype call them. Motivation definitely goes up when you're surrounded by your peers who are striving to study as well even if it's virtually. Stick with a schedule for yourself to pace yourself so that you aren’t overwhelmed with work and studying last minute. 

6. Dear Her, what are some good ways to stay busy while we’re under quarantine? 

I know that since quarantine has been extended for a lot of us, summer plans are being cancelled as well. Internships, study abroads, summer classes, the list goes on. I think a good way to stay busy would be to develop a routine. Staying in bed all day will not be a good use of your time. Get ready for the day like you usually do and from there develop a list of goals for the day whether it be organizing your room or studying for your test or learning a TikTok dance or teaching yourself a new skill for your resume; it can be anything! Take this time to progress yourself even if we are under quarantine. Be sure to look out for our articles each week, which will delve into these topics, among others! Remember to stay home, wash your hands, and finish the semester strong!