Hello, guys. Yes, I went down on a girl, and I’m sure you want to know the tea. Did it smell? What’s it like to touch boobs that aren’t your own? Is it awkward? How much should you really shave down there? (You know— the works.)
Well, I’ll give you a little bit of background about myself first. I’ve known that I like men and women for as long as I can remember. I even remember identifying as pansexual when I was a preteen, though I now identify as bisexual as an adult. However, I’ve only ever been with men, so I decided it was time to get the first time out of the way.
Now, let’s get into how all this happened. I’ve been on dating apps (Tinder and Her) for a few weeks now, looking for someone who was willing to be my first. But honestly, being bi can be so irritating. When you finally match with someone, they ask one of two questions:
First, they ask if you’re a unicorn. Naturally, I want to be like, hell yeah, I’m a unicorn. I’m majestic, gay, and magical. But obviously I’m missing out on some of the lingo here. After doing some research (Thank you, Urban Dictionary), a unicorn is a bisexual woman whom is being sought out by a heterosexual couple for a threesome. Bleh! I’m notyour fetish. Maybe I’d like to have sex with you and your boyfriend sometime, but damn, my sexual orientation should not be your fetish.
The second question is far better than the first. Usually, they ask what you’re looking for (i.e. casual dating, long-term relationship, or hook-ups). It’s so nice because then there’s no ambiguity. We all know what we want, and when we find that the person we’re talking to doesn’t want what we want, it’s onto the next!
After sifting through the people who weren’t looking to have sex with me, I had a small list of women who were on the same mission: to get laid. Now, I had to be honest and tell them that this is my first time, and that I’ve never been with a woman before.
Then it all started moving into action. I had plans to meet up with this girl on Saturday. We were Snapchatting. She was real (yes— I’ve been catfished in the past). It was great.
But then I got a message from a girl on Her around midnight on a Thursday. We started talking, and it turned out she had never been with a girl either. Then I got to thinking: what if we just tried with each other for the first time? There wouldn’t be any awkwardness because we both didn’t know what we were doing, and it could be fun.
… So, naturally, she arrived on campus thirty minutes later, at about 2:00 AM. After horrendous nervous diarrhea and dabbing my sweaty armpits with the inside of my sweater, I was ready.
(Gif Courtesy of GIPHY)
We sat on my bed and talked for about thirty minutes. We both giggled and talked, then she asked if we could turn the lights off. Then it all started to happen… kissing led to touching under the shirt, then we were naked, and two hours later, the magic had happened.
So, now I’ll answer some questions.
Boobs are fantastic. Kissing a girl is amazing. Holding a girl’s hand is amazing. It is all so worth it. It’s a little smelly, and hairy. But hey, we’re all human and these things are normal. Finding someone who you can laugh with is so important and stopping to ask for consent is fundamental to making sure everyone’s having a good time.
Even if you aren’t sure what your sexual orientation is, life is short. If you want to try something, find someone who is willing to do it with you. If you hate it, you never have to do it again. Finding what you like is so important, and maybe you’ll find that vaginas are way better than penises. Or maybe they aren’t. Or maybe, like me, you find that you love both.