If you have ever been involved in any sort of romantic partnership, jealousy is an emotion that you have most likely felt before. Whether it’s hearing your partner talking about a new friend of their preferred sex, or being close friends with an ex, feeling jealous can be a natural reaction. It is an emotion that is often stigmatized as being “bad”. Approaching jealousy with the mindset that it is an inherently negative feeling, rather than approaching it with curiosity, has the potential to impact your relationship in a negative way. This can look like ignoring the situation in an attempt to not seem needy and emotional, or trying to make your partner feel jealous instead of addressing the issue.
Taking a step back to question why you are feeling this way can be an important step in recognizing where your needs may not be met in your relationship. Although they may not be visible, emotional wounds are similar to physical ones, and they point to the areas of ourselves that need attention or healing which could be causing feelings of insecurity or jealousy. Communication can be a great tool for resolving these issues. It is always much more beneficial to talk about your emotions, because there’s a chance your partner may not even be aware they are not meeting your needs in the relationship.
It is important to recognize that your romantic partner should not be expected to meet all of your emotional needs and vice versa. There should be space in both of your lives for each other in addition to multiple friends, personal space and the ability to connect with new people. Just as each of your personal relationships in your life outside of your romantic connection can be important to you, you should want your partner to have the same support systems and connections that you do.
Each relationship is unique in its own way and has unique boundaries that can only be asserted through clear communication, so it is important not to assume that your idea of what is acceptable in a relationship is the same as your partner. This can build trust and make you feel more secure in the partnership alleviating these unwanted feelings.