Owning My Insecurities

The three things I was always most insecure about were my height, my weight, and my hair. Truthfully, it wasn’t until someone made a comment that I started to be insecure about them. Which is unfortunate as other people’s opinions ended up living rent free in my mind for years… and they probably never knew the impact it had. 

For my height, it began when I was 5’7 in elementary school and boys picked on me for being taller than them. For my weight, it began when a family member suggested I go on a diet at 9-years-old and my confidence worsened when kids at school began to call me fat. For my hair, it began when my mom made me get Keratin hair treatments to make my hair straight. The hair insecurity furthered when a relative referred to my hair as a “lion’s mane” and suggested I straighten it. As a child, these comments built up for me and soon enough I overanalyzed every bit of how I looked. 

For years I would have poor posture to minimize my height (now a proud 5’9), I would wear baggy clothing to hide my body, and I would straighten my hair or put it in a bun all day, every day to hide the curls. The insecurities consumed me and prevented me from living my life as I lived each day trying to please the people around me. 

But, it did not have to be like that and thankfully, it’s not anymore.

Today, I write this and I confidently own all three of those insecurities that have taken too many moments of happiness away from me. I encourage you to do the same. 

It is by no means easy. I didn’t wake up one day saying, “Okay, I love my insecurities.” 

Rather, it’s a journey. 

An active practice of self-appreciation for all that I am. It’s embracing the days my curly hair is frizzy and looks quite similar to Hagrid, but rocking it anyway. It’s embarking into wearing tight clothing and embracing every piece of myself so much that now a bodysuit with jeans is my go-to outfit. It’s listening to “Girls in the Hood” by Megan Thee Stallion to remind myself that yeah, I’m a bad b*tch & no one is going to tell me how to live my life or how to look. 

Above all, it’s reminding myself that other people’s opinions of me do not matter. At the end of the day, I live with myself: mind, body, and soul. I see the beauty in who I am as a person, internally and externally. Now that I have owned my insecurities, I will never convince someone else to see the beauty in me nor will I change my look to please others. I invite you all to do the same.