I’ve spent a lot of my life deeming myself as a failure everywhere I turned. I looked at everyone around me and constantly found something they were better at than me. My roommate got her dream internship this summer. I was a waitress. My favorite Instagram fitness influencer crushed her workout today. I didn’t step foot in the gym this week. Another body type that looks nothing like mine is the new beauty standard. I’m still trying to look like the last one.
I’ve been barreling through life feeling like I’m drowning and constantly a step behind everyone, but recently I’ve had to stop and think, why the hell does it matter if my journey looks different than everybody elses? I didn’t get the internship. I’m not in the best shape of my life. And my body looks nothing like what I see on Instagram all day.
And that’s okay.
I’ve been robbing myself of so much joy by trying to fit in the outlines of everybody else’s life that I haven’t even tried to celebrate my own journey. That’s what comparison does to you, it makes you feel as if your successes will forever be shadowed by the outrageous accomplishments of those around you. You see the thing is, I’m never gonna look like the girl next to me. And I don’t need to. Just because my version of beauty doesn’t mirror hers doesn’t mean I am any less beautiful. I’m not gonna have all A’s all the time, and that doesn’t make me less capable of a student than someone who does. If I continue to spend all my time comparing myself to everyone in every aspect of my life, I’m never gonna actually let myself grow into who I really want to be. But how do I stop this cycle of comparing myself to everyone around me?
I’m in no way perfect at this, and I don’t think I ever will be, but I’ve found a few steps along the way that have helped me stray away from the mindset of comparison.
- Give yourself permission to embrace all sides of you. I’m talking about the good, the bad, and the ugly. Don’t put a part of you on the shelf because it’s not picture-perfect.
- Spend some time in front of a mirror (this one still makes me uncomfortable, but we’re working on it) and say out loud five things you like about your body. Yep, five. Write them down.
- Tell someone when you fail. It can be a quiz, an exam, a missed PR when working out, or being denied a job. Chances are, whoever you tell has failed at something recently too. There’s a comfort in knowing that someone else in this world didn’t get it right on the first try either.
I still compare myself to others a fair amount. I think it’s human nature. But now, I also find myself celebrating small parts of me that I used to tuck away on a shelf because they weren’t the cookie-cutter image for success. You’re never gonna be the girl next to you, or the girl on instagram, or your best friend; and that is an incredibly beautiful thing.