My boyfriend showed me what love is supposed to feel like. I realize that is a bold statement. You might think that I am some cliché, hopeless romantic. You might expect me to watch rom coms every weekend and daydream about grand gestures. I promise you I do none of those things.
Before him, I was actually pretty pessimistic. I am the product of divorced parents, so my perception of love was rather negative. I never saw a healthy, stable relationship in my house. With each argument, my parents built mountains between each other. Meanwhile, I developed a crippling fear of relationships at the ripe age of 12. Throughout the majority of my teenage years, I was extremely cautious of love. I never had the instructions on how to do it right. As you can probably imagine, this led to attracting the wrong type of men.
I left previous relationships and flings, and did not realize how poorly they had gone. Each experience got increasingly worse. With each new guy, the abuse and trauma escalated. I failed to recognize how terrible each situation was because I refused to believe I could end up like my parents. I desperately wanted my relationships to work out. As a result, I put up with everything in order to prove that I was happy and healthy. In reality, my ex boyfriends and flings hurt me in ways I never expected.
When I met my current boyfriend, he changed everything.
My boyfriend probably does not remember this story whatsoever, but it has left a lasting impact on me. This is going to sound silly, but just trust me. He knew Taylor Swift released new music, so he told me to play the album in the car. In a previous relationship, I would’ve been screamed at and told to shut up even if I suggested a song. Playing music in the car might be insignificant to you, but it was my biggest fear for two years. I did not download a single new song for a year. I had been brainwashed to believe my preferences were stupid and unimportant. After a few months, I didn’t have an opinion on anything. When I turned on my favorite Taylor Swift song for my current boyfriend, he turned it up so he could hear the words better. I cried that night. It might seem so trivial to you if you haven’t experienced relationship abuse, but seeing a man validate my interests (even if he didn’t share them) was honestly revolutionary.
My boyfriend forever changed how I view conflict. For the majority of my life, I believed my emotions were invalid. My ex-boyfriend bullied nearly every emotion out of me until I was a thoughtless follower. I genuinely believed that any concern I possessed must be irrational. That way, I never complained which meant I never heard an apology. To be honest with you, I never thought much about my experience with verbal and physical abuse. This all changed when my current boyfriend and I got in our first fight. He wasn’t defensive. He didn’t threaten to leave. He held my hand and apologized. I didn’t flinch. I didn’t go to bed scared. I was expecting to feel threatened. When I didn’t, I realized the magnitude of my previous experiences.
Overall, my current boyfriend has shown me what it’s truly like to be respected and cared for. He cheers on my biggest successes and picks me up at my deepest lows. He listens without judgement. He encourages me to try again. He has shown me the necessary aspects of a healthy relationship, concepts that I never experienced for myself before. Although my previous memories are not enjoyable to look back on, they make me so appreciative of the knowledge, love, and respect I have for my current boyfriend and myself.
At the moment, it sounds like my current boyfriend performs the bare minimum. I promise I could go on for pages about him and all that he has taught me. I do want to say that my confidence does not depend on him, though. He has simply opened my eyes to my potential. He has given me the space to grow confidence in my opinions, interests, and passions. Our success reminds me that my parents’ failure is not my reality. I am not broken. I am not damaged goods. And you can catch us listening to Taylor Swift whenever I want.