As someone who always looks at empowering images, about loving ourselves and being happy with who we are, and listening to slam poetry pieces telling us we are a “Goddamned treasure whether you want to believe it or not” to sometimes leaving random post-it notes around campus that simply say “You’re beautiful,” hoping to inspire others, I have found that I am a complete fraud.
Recently, I had an experience at work where someone visiting made a comment about there being “a fat girl on the website” and how “awesome it is to see that there is a diverse community.” However, what that someone didn’t realize was that “fat girl” on the website was me 40 pounds ago. There are not enough words in the dictionary to describe how I felt in that moment. There were so many thoughts running through my head at that time. Why would someone say that? How the hell was I supposed to respond to that? Did she even know that was me in the picture? The worst part was I had to continue to be nice to this individual. It was probably one of the most difficult moments I have had to deal with. Honestly, it hurt more than a slap in the face. Hell, I would have preferred a slap in the face over those words. After getting off of my shift, I cried so many tears and not even the little images of Darren Criss holding signs telling me that I’m beautiful or Lady Gaga telling me that I’m a superstar could help. All of this hurt because someone simply said a few words to me.
The questions I ask myself now are why did it hurt so much? Why did I let it bother me? People loved me 40 pounds heavier or 40 pounds lighter. People will love me no matter what I weigh, so why does what one person said matter? Why am I unable to practice what I preach? Why do the words of a complete stranger matter?
It has been said that, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Whoever came up with that saying must not have had an experience like mine. Or maybe they did and decided to not let the words affect them. I wish I had that kind of realization when I dealt with my situation. Maybe then the words would not have hurt as much as they did.
At the end of the day, words are just words. They are simply a string of letters with phonetic sounds that create language. We put them together into sentences and use them to express ourselves. How we let them affect us is our choice. How we use words and the meanings we put into them are our choice. I challenge you, reader, to only speak words of kindness, to fill the world with words of kindness. Perhaps then, maybe one day the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” will be true.