The chill girl: we all know her, and we all want to be her. This is the girl who actually likes the taste of beer, can do “casual,” and never seems to care too much. Never too needy, too emotional, or too demanding — at least, that’s what you’re supposed to think.
The image of the chill girl is enticing, because who wouldn’t like a girl who always goes with the flow? Men think she’s drama-free, and women admire her effortless persona. But that being said, is anyone really the chill girl?
Truthfully, it’s unrealistic to never care. In a society that praises nonchalance and low-maintenance, it’s difficult to even express any emotion without seeming too emotional. However, the reality of the matter is that simply expressing how you feel shouldn’t be frowned upon.
The Chill Girl in Media
While the allure of the chill girl has recently become more popular, this phenomenon has been around in literature for a while. Gillian Flynn’s “Cool Girl Monologue” in Gone Girl immediately comes to mind, which has personally always stuck with me.
In this monologue, Flynn expresses her disdain for the expectations of the “cool girl” and reveals that the idea of the cool girl is ultimately whatever a man wants you to be.
The popularized phrase, “I’m not like other girls,” has largely made its way into digital media as well, pushing women to separate themselves from other women.
I think we’ve all unfortunately fallen victim to this phrase at some point in our lives, claiming to be cooler or chiller than some boy’s “crazy” ex (because she was definitely crazy, right?). In retrospect, though, I think I might be exactly like other girls… when did that become such a negative thing?
Situationship Culture
The rise of ‘situationships’ in today’s dating scene definitely plays a role in the heightened expectations of the chill girl. If you’re unfamiliar with that term, Urban Dictionary defines a situationship as “when two people do everything you would do in a relationship but y’all ain’t dating and you have no label.” Urban Dictionary, I truly couldn’t have said it better myself.
In situationships that are essentially cheat codes for no communication or accountability, playing it cool is honestly more of a survival strategy than anything else. Girls are automatically viewed as obsessed if they simply ask a man what he wants; emotional detachment and being “chill with whatever” seem like the only possible solutions in these situations.
That being said, no one is completely safe from the chill girl effect, including myself. I distinctly remember a time when I was having an issue with a boy and, naturally, I asked my older sister for advice. She told me to just tell him how I felt about the situation, to which I argued, “But I don’t want to look like I care.”
It was her response to that statement that changed my whole perspective: “Being the chill girl gets you nowhere; it just lets people walk all over you.”
The glorified image of the chill girl has programmed us to view emotional honesty as embarrassing rather than empowering, but shouldn’t authenticity be something we celebrate? If just speaking your mind makes you high-maintenance, then maybe it’s time we all raised our standards.
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