Her Campus Logo Her Campus Logo

Why the “Talking Stage” is Bullsh*t and How To Get Out of It

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at FSU chapter.

Let’s talk about the “talking stage.” Modern-day dating has placed so much importance on this stage that it’s almost taken away the whole point of actually dating. If you like someone, and they like you, date. It’s that simple. “Talking” to someone is like the precursor to dating and it shouldn’t last long enough to replace dating altogether. It has pretty much turned into just another excuse not to commit to the person you’re interested in.

We have all found ourselves trapped in the “talking stage” at one point or another. As fun as it is to get to know someone you like, it can become infuriating when they keep pushing off commitment. “Talking” is really just a way for people to get away with their commitment issues. So how exactly do we get out of it?

Before I dive in, let me set the scene: You’ve been talking to your crush for the past couple of weeks and you both are very aware of your mutual interest. Both parties have voiced their readiness for taking the next step in the relationship, but you haven’t yet. Why? Because you are stuck in the “talking stage.” At this point, there aren’t necessarily any grounds for you to be able to call them out on their unwillingness to commit just yet because it’s still fairly soon. But, if they’re ready and you’re ready, then what’s the issue? Now you are feeling like all of the cards are in their hands. You’ve lost your power, right? Wrong.

You are very much an equal part of the “situationship” (for the sake of this article, that’s what I’m going to call it) as they are. It is so important to remember that. If something is bothering you, don’t be afraid to speak up. In fact, the “talking stage” is critical to finding out if you and your crush are actually compatible at all. That’s why if you’re feeling like you’re ready to take the next step, make sure to let them know (and repeat yourself if you have to). How they respond to you wanting to define the relationship tells you everything you need to know.

Girl by train tracks
Photo by Daria Nepriakhina from Unsplash

So, how do you successfully get past the “talking stage”?

Rule One: Communicate!

I know I’m sounding like a broken record now, but you have to communicate effectively to move forward with the situationship. If you have something to say, say it. Is it bothering you that they’re not texting you all day? Tell them that. Give them the chance to fix the problem, before you let it consume you! If they don’t fix it though, direct yourself to Rule Three.

Rule Two: Stop letting them take your power.

This is the most important rule in my opinion. Fact: it is a privilege to even be acquainted with you. This is something that I have found extremely helpful to remind myself. Stop focusing so much on what your potential love interest is thinking and start focusing on yourself. I’d venture to say that the tone you think the text they sent three hours ago had didn’t really have a tone at all.

Rule Three: Don’t be afraid to move on.

Nobody likes a clingy or pushy person. So if you start throwing out the “what are we” talk too soon, chances are that you’re going to freak them out. However, if it’s been months of being stuck in the “talking stage” and your love interest still isn’t taking the next step, then it’s probably time to give them an ultimatum. Do they want to be with you? Great! Are they still pushing commitment off? It’s time to move on. Sorry, not sorry. You deserve better.

My general rule for how long the “talking stage” should last is about five-ish weeks. It should definitely not be any longer than two months. If it’s lasting more than two months, it’s really just turning into a justification for your love interest to see other people (hate to break it to you).

Let me just remind you, the “talking stage” can be a really fun time to get to know someone (if it’s not lasting months and months on end). This could be the beginning of a great relationship, so have fun with it!

Want to see more HCFSU? Be sure to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, Youtube and Pinterest!

Riley Kayton is double majoring in Political Science and Editing, Writing, & Media at Florida State University. On any given day you can probably find her filming for the football team, or curled up with a good book.
Her Campus at Florida State University.