Casual sex: it seems to be the “thing to do” during your freshman year of college. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay if it’s NOT something you’re interested in. With Tinder, Bumble and a number of other ‘dating’ apps, sex is in the air. You hear about your roommate’s sexcapades and casual sexual relationships and can’t help but wonder if you’re missing out on something. Don’t worry, my friend, you’re not and here are a few reasons why.
1. Boys suck
At this stage in our lives, guys are not looking to settle down. They’re most likely looking to hook up and hook up a lot. Being that this is their main concern; they’re not looking to invest any time in the emotions. They don’t want to hear about your family. They don’t want to hear about your day. They don’t want to hear about how stressed you are about school. And this sucks. It’d nice if they at least pretended to be interested.
Even if you establish a casual sex type of relationship with someone, jealousy always comes into play. It’s human nature. He’ll want to sleep with other girls but he’ll also get mad at you for being with other guys. What!? It’s not fair, but does he care? No. You’ll also end up jealous of the other girls he’s with. You’ll wonder if they’re prettier than you or better in bed than you. Then you’re consumed with all the questions floating around in your head. You won’t be able to focus on what’s really important to you like school, friends or clubs. It’s a whole lot of wasted energy and no man deserves that kind of attention from you unless he’s willing to reciprocate.
3. You don’t really get anything out of it
This is a tough one to think about. You go into a friends-with-benefits relationship with such high hopes (thanks to Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake) but when you really sit down and ask yourself: “what do I get out of this?” you probably struggle to come up with an answer. More times than not, once he is done, you both are done. So, you put on makeup, lacy underwear and took time out of your night’s sleep (because most of these encounters go down after 11 p.m.) for what? His pleasure? Yeah, totally worth it.
4. The Walk of Shame
Aside from sex, reputation is pretty important for us freshman and it’s called the Walk of Shame for a reason. Who wants to be caught at 7 a.m. with messy hair, messy makeup and shoes in hand? No one. Guys don’t have to deal with any shame after leaving, they get praise. Their friends are all high-fives and cheering for another notch in the bedpost. Another thing about reputation is if you don’t really know this guy, you don’t know what he’ll say about you to his friends. You could suddenly become that girl and you deserve better, Hun.
5. You’re concerned with how you look to him
Not only will you be thinking about your reputation and how you look to everyone at school, you’ll also be worried about how you look to him. I’m talking about the before, during and after your time together. You’ll end up wondering if he noticed your little tummy rolls in a certain position. You’ll end up wondering if you smell funny. You’ll end up wondering if your makeup is still perfect. Then whatever fun may have been there, is now gone. As girls, we overanalyze and this is something we shouldn’t have to be so worried about.
Let’s go back to not knowing the guy too well. You don’t know what he may be carrying and potentially giving to you. You don’t know how many other people he may be sleeping with. You don’t know if he’s actually telling you the truth and it’s scary. I don’t mean to go ‘mom’ on you but it’s seriously something to consider. And if he says something along the lines of “I hate condoms” you have full permission to answer with “well I hate STD’s and pregnancy.” It doesn’t matter if you have been sleeping together for a while, you hold the power.
7. Sex is so much better with someone you care about, and who cares about you.
When there’s an emotional connection, sex suddenly becomes a lot more fun. There’s trust and patience and comfort. We deserve to be treated like princesses and taken care of as well in the bedroom. A boyfriend is more likely to make sure that you’re satisfied, too. And if he’s not, then you and him need to have a talk.
Casual sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and even if you decide that it’s something you want to try, make sure you fully trust the guy you’re with, you establish boundaries and it’s something you actually want to do. Don’t feel pressured because you think all of your friends are doing it because chances are, they’re not having as much fun as they make it seem.