Boy meets girl. He takes you out on dates. He hangs out with you all of the time. He even acknowledges the fact that you guys are exclusive, and you two are being monogamous. Amazing. I mean seriously, what college guy takes the time and effort to do all of these kind gestures?
One day, you guys are holding hands in an Uber, and the Uber driver asks you, “So how long have you guys been dating?” You pause. Your heart stops. You die. Only kidding, but you wait for his response.
“Uh…” He looks out the window.
Shit, I hope my hands aren’t clammy, you wonder.
“We aren’t,” he finishes.
WAIT. What! What are we then?! You want to let go of his hand. The Uber begins to feel like a prison and the most dreadful question of all time falls onto your heart, weighing it down to your stomach. You’re on your way to a sleepover with a guy who is not your friend, but he is definitely not your boyfriend. What do you do? I have to know what this is. Doesn’t he like me as much as I like him? Am I wasting my time? WHAT. ARE. WE. Here is where you begin to feel psycho.
Pause. Take a deep breath, and keep your thoughts to yourself. Do not ask that question.
Let me tell you why. Guys, oddly enough, are not as stupid as we think. From personal experience, and having two guy roommates to help confirm this notion, if a guy wants to make you his girlfriend, he will. In other words, once you ask a guy this question, it’s over. It’s over because in his mind things are going well, he has you where he wants you, and he hopes you do not ask this question because he doesn’t want you to be his girlfriend, otherwise you would be. Asking this question is not only awkward for the both of you, but you probably won’t like his answer and he will start to feel the pressure of a relationship, whether you want that or not. When he gives you the “Oh I thought we were just hanging out with each other” bullshit answer, you, in turn, will most likely make an excuse for how you feel about him. You’ll agree and never want to bring it up again, but you will feel a void, because deep down, you know you’re worth way more than that.
After you pop this question, things will never be the same because now you both are driving down different roads for what you actually want. Trust me, the longer he doesn’t make you his girlfriend, the more upset you will be with him over little things, because there’s a bigger issue at hand.
The “what are we” question ends a relationship because let’s say, for instance, it works out and he does ask you to be his girlfriend. Now, however, you’re going to constantly wonder if you forced him to do it. The main issue with this is that we, as girls, have women’s intuition. Deep down we know they don’t want the same things that we do, otherwise we wouldn’t have to ask. We would just know. So, in turn, we push for it because we don’t see the problem in taking that extra step and making that special person all yours. Since we subconsciously know this, we almost ask the question just to hear the words come out of their mouth like knives, just to confirm how right we are.
If things between you and your significant other were going well, you would not need to question what you guys are. You would know and so would he. In fact, he would want to make sure that you knew exactly how much you are worth in his eyes. If you feel insecure about that, you know you are worth way more than the value he is giving you.
Also, what I never understood is why we never flip the script on them. Why are girls the ones constantly concerned about where they stand? I think the smartest way to deal with this said situation is to make the boy wonder “what are we.”
Be the confident girl you were when he first wanted to be with you. That’s what he was attracted to from the beginning and that’s what’s going to trip him up. Unfortunately, human nature is a game of power vs. powerless. “What are we,” no matter what, just makes girls look insecure, because they simply feel that way. That’s fine, but the more confident you are and the more you show them who’s boss, they are going to want to know, “hey, this is super awkward, but…what are we?”