Between bumper car traumas and time thieves, this season of The Bachelor is as promising as any, packed with a full day’s worth of drama. When I was watching the last episode and internally (and externally) screaming at Krystal, I really wondered what would happen if these women had met Arie on Tinder. The season would go by a lot quicker, but we would know the answer to the question: would Arie swipe left or right on these women? Would the women have swiped left or right on Arie? The show is only just getting started this year so let’s make some Tinder predictions, collegiettes.
Seinne, 27
She went to Yale. TO YALE. Why is she on this show? Is she too good for this world? Her bio on ABC is one of the most relatable and beautiful things I have ever read. She loves elephants because they’re loyal, intelligent and beautiful and she thinks New Year’s Eve is the best holiday because it signals new beginnings and comes with lots of champagne. Can I petition for her to be the next Cosmo cover girl? Honestly, I think she is too good for Arie but with that being said, I want her to win.
Tia, 26
She’s the one from Weiner, Arkansas, that’s friends with Raven from Nick’s season. There’s always a Southern girl and in this season, it’s Tia. Tia is a sweetheart with a sassy side. She doesn’t take anyone’s crap and she will defend herself from anyone, whether it’s female wrestlers or Krystal. She has been getting more air time gradually every week which gives me hope for her. She got the group rose last week too!
Bekah M., 22
“Oh my god, you’re so young.” So far, Bekah’s age revelation was the best moment of the show; Arie’s mouth literally dropped. Honestly, Bekah is everyone’s girl crush, she rock climbs and basically broke the internet with her short hair (as if short hair is that shocking). Anyway, although she’s the epitome of a cool girl, is it possible that Bekah’s just a little too young for Arie?
Krystal, 29
Cruella de Vil; I don’t even know where to begin with her. She immediately gives off bad vibes from the first episode of the show when she’s that girl that steals time, but she does it every single episode. Last week, Tia, Caroline, Krystal and Arie bonded in Lake Tahoe while the four of them shared a hot tub, which led to a chain of events:
- Krystal wrapped herself around Arie.
- Tia and Caroline joked around about the hot tub situation.
- Krystal tattled to Arie that the other girls in the house are mean to her.
Thankfully, Arie isn’t a total idiot and didn’t give her the group date rose. But Krystal tried again after Arie decided to scare the girls and cancel the cocktail party. When he started the rose ceremony, she interrupted and asks to speak to him. Dude, the cocktail party was canceled, why is that so hard to understand?
Lauren B., 25
Honestly, all I know is that there were like 10 Laurens and now there is just this one but I don’t think I’ve even seen talk her yet. According to her ABC bio, she is basic because she listens to Taylor Swift, she wants to be Elsa, she watches the Real Housewives and Botched and she hates when her dates texts at dinner. Basically, Lauren B. seems sweet but is as a plain as a piece of Wonderbread.
Kendall, 26
There are two things you should know about Kendall:
- She collects taxidermy.
- On the survivalist themed date, she was the one of the only two or three that actually ate worms and maggots. Yummy, right?
Side note: How did she get to the mansion? And then to Lake Tahoe? Are you allowed to bring taxidermy on airplanes? I’ve been thinking about this for way too long now…
Ashley, 25
She has stayed far, far away from the drama this season so far. Ashley, although excited to be on the last group date, seems pretty quiet. Her bio on ABC is so relatable though: she hates doing laundry, loves Brad Pitt and couldn’t live without Spotify, cute clothes and a hair straightener. True, Ash, true.
Becca K., 27
Spoiled with Rachel Zoe, Louboutins and diamonds, Arie basically pulled a Drake with a closet full of Birkens for his first one-on-one date. Ever since this date, Becca has become a true fan favorite and the pick to win the show. Unlike many Bachelor contestants before her, Becca has a real job, has chemistry with Arie (without a fourteen-year age gap) and to my knowledge, does not have a nanny that makes her cheese pasta. She seems like a real contender, a definite right swipe.
Chelsea, 29
“Being a single mother, I deserve more time than the others.” Chelsea definitely has a pretty big complex. Before Krystal stepped up, Chelsea took the villain card pretty seriously. In the first episode, she stole Arie’s time twice, leaving girls to not have time to see him at all before the first rose ceremony, as well as insulted multiple contestants.
Jenna, 28
Truly the unsung comedian of the show. During last week’s episode, she said she would drink her pee for Arie then proceeded to post a picture of herself squatting next to a urinal, drinking a yellow beverage. Later in the episode, she played with some rocks. She picked them up. She put them down.
Jacqueline, 26
She’s the one that tried to drink her pee this week. She actually lifted the bottle to her mouth before everyone yelled at her not to, so she stopped. Other than that, Jacqueline works in a psychiatry research lab and says work is very important to her. That’s really all anyone knows about her which is pretty weird for The Bachelor.
Marikh, 27
The one that looks like Kim Kardashian. I don’t really think she is going to win, considering she’s hardly spent any time with Arie, however she has started a new movement: #glamshaming. She called out Chelsea on #glamshaming her for brushing her hair while they were all on the date in the woods. Why this scene was only a blooper at the end of the episode is shocking to me.
All images are courtesy of People.