If you’re reading this, I’m going to assume that you’ve been dumped at some point in your life and for that, I’m truly sorry because it’s rough. If you haven’t, don’t worry honey your time is coming! In all seriousness though, breakups are the worst and whether it happens with a significant other or a friend you’re probably going to feel the burn of your bruised ego long after it’s over. The good news is that it’s totally natural and you’re not alone. In case you’re not sold on my sappy “we’re all in this together” spiel, I went ahead and defined the typical phases of the break up that you’re likely to experience.
1. “WTF?”
Most would refer to this stage as shock or confusion, but I think “WTF” sums it up. This is the moment right after they rip off the band-aid and all you can think is “what did I miss?”, “what is going on?” or “what did I do wrong?” Your mind is essentially in questioning mode and screaming a seemingly-eternal “wtf?”, which is understandable because this person that you thought was in it for the long-haul, looked you in the eyes and pretty much said that they’d rather face the unknowns of this dark and scary world without you, than entertain the prospect of continued undying love, affection and spooning with you. It’s a total burn.
2. This is embarrassing
So now that your mind has caught up, the humiliation begins to settle in. Your cheeks rock a nice rosy shade of “look at me I’ve just been dumped” and your throat probably feels tight, but you must salvage your pride! After all, who are they to dump you? You’re great and you know you’re great, but you can’t deny feeling like everyone can spot you on their “oh, that’s so sad” radar.
3. “I love you and I miss you”
This is the stage where your ex’s name and face will be on a constant loop in your head, probably accompanied by some bitter Taylor Swift song (which is a bonus because you can now relate to 90 percent of her music). Everything reminds you of them. You see a puppy on campus and think “wow he loved puppies,” you look at the sky and say,“ her eyes were that shade of blue.” You miss every little thing they used to do and you probably spend way too much time composing texts that you ultimately decide against sending.
4. Fueling your hate fire
Anger comes next. You’re mad, your mom’s mad, your friends are mad, their moms are mad, pretty much everyone’s mad at them for hurting you. Any tiny thing they ever did that even slightly bothered you while you were together is suddenly the subject of your hatred. Whether you throw out the things they gave you or unfollow them on social media, it’ll settle your internal rage for the time being. It’s immature, but you really don’t care.
5. Oh, so I’m single, single…
This calls for a girls’ night out. Your friends are done seeing you wallow in self-pity, so you settle for a night out on the town. You’ll feel the absence of your ex, but it won’t be as terrible as you thought. You can finally flirt back with the cutie who wants to dance and you may even score a few free drinks while you’re at it.
6. That boy is cute
Boys seem to have this otherworldly sixth-sense that alerts them to all the single girls in a 25-mile radius. Up until recently, you’ve only had eyes for your person, but now the blinders have been lifted and you start to see what the market really has to offer. You’re mingling with new people, and at this point, you may start to feel like you’re ready to move on.
7. Someone, please show me affection
You can admit it. You miss the physical stuff. The guys on campus are attractive and you may even be looking for a rebound, but either way you have needs. Your ex left you to be with other people, so you can do the same!
8. Who needs a man? I have my friends
You may experience a few failed rebound attempts, but at the end of the day, you have your friends. They let you be that annoying person who can’t stop talking about your ex and they will continue to help you through your healing process. This is the best stage because you realize that all the energy you once put into your relationship can now be put towards your squad, the ones who have stuck around through it all.
9. Poof—gone!
At some point, and no one can say exactly how long this will take, you’ll go a full day without dedicating a single brain cell to your ex. You probably only have like three brain cells left at this point, so you need to be picky.
Healing is a process and if you’re lucky, your ex will leave you alone during it. However, sometimes they’ll check in after a bit to see how you’re doing (probably to alleviate some guilt they feel from hurting you, but we won’t hold that against them.) I don’t care if you just ugly cried on FaceTime to your cat, you are “great, thanks for asking.” Now delete their number.
All gifs courtesy of Giphy.