It’s certainly no secret that being cheated on hurts. The trust you’ve given someone can be completely diminished over a text from a mystery someone or a suspicious Snapchat streak and that erosion of trust can be difficult, if not almost impossible, to win back. So, why do people do it? What’s the motivation? Maybe cheating stems from a lack of self-esteem or even worse, maybe it’s just an offense born out of opportunity—“she was hot, she was there, and I took my chance.” It seems as if you can’t even safely scroll through social media without coming across a tweet about Tristan Thompson cheating on Khloe Kardashian, or a video exposing a college boy who thought he could successfully date two girls at once. We even have an “unfaithful boyfriend” meme for crying out loud.
Courtesy: @christen_09 on Twitter
No matter what the motivation is, cheating boils down to much more than the physical stuff and you can cheat on your partner without so much as thinking about sleeping with another person. This is what’s called emotional cheating, and it’s arguably even worse than the regular old cheating! What’s rough about this strain of infidelity is that you maybe never have any actual evidence because you won’t be finding another girl’s underwear in his room or another guy’s t-shirt in her drawer. You’ll likely have smaller clues that’ll leave you questioning if you’re being too clingy or paranoid, but let’s get this straight: you’re not being paranoid. Emotional cheating can even come in the form of your partner not wanting to bring you to group hangouts anymore; while it’s important to foster your own friendships and interests, a partner wanting to suddenly separate your lives definitely comes off as shady. You’re not crazy for questioning the intentions of that girl commenting heart eyes under his selfie or the guy who Snapchats your boo at 3 a.m. With that said, another sign of emotional cheating could be a lack of sharing things with you. One of the best parts about having a significant other is having someone to recap all of the little random things that happen to you throughout the day. If your partner transitions from passionate venting sessions to a robotic “my day was fine,” you may have something more to worry about.
Friends I’ve known to have been cheated on will tell you to go with your gut and whether you’re right or wrong, your partner shouldn’t make you feel crazy for questioning it if they truly care about your relationship. So, how do you approach an uncomfortable conversation like this? Be honest and tell them what makes you uncomfortable, whether they’re texting someone more often or hanging out alone with someone frequently, you deserve to be heard. Try using “I” statements that’ll shift the focus to how you’re feeling as a partner while also allowing you to avoid putting your partner into defense mode. Now, if they do shrug off your concerns or defensively blow up on you: 1. They are trash and 2. This is when you should seriously start rethinking your relationship.
Courtesy: @mtrancucci23 on Twitter
Even less noticeable than emotional cheating is something called “micro-cheating.” Quite honestly, you could be micro-cheating and not even fully realize it. We’re humans after all, and we make mistakes. Micro-cheating is the word for small actions that have the residue of cheating—without ever actually crossing that boundary. While emotional cheating could involve telling someone they’re cute or dancing with another person at the club, micro-cheating is not as detectable, and it can often lead to something more. Some signs that you’re falling into the zone of micro-cheating could be dressing differently when you know you’re going to see a certain someone, not telling your partner about the company you’re keeping or liking and commenting on another guy’s picture (no, Shawn Mendes doesn’t count). It’s easy to say, “Look but don’t touch” or “It’s a harmless crush,” but micro-cheating only confirms that you’re craving the attention of someone who isn’t your significant other.
Just try to think about how your partner would feel if they knew that extra effort was for your hot coworker or that you delete texts you’re afraid for them to accidentally see. Having a little crush outside of your relationship is natural as long as it doesn’t escalate to anything other than a crush. The line is officially crossed if you know it would make your partner uncomfortable or if the roles were reversed, it would make you upset.
Courtesy: @cheysteen00 on Twitter
So, what if you’ve confronted and confirmed your partner has cheated on you in some way? Is there any way to salvage the relationship? In most cases, the survey says no, but there’s always the chance that things can be fixed—just look at Jay-Z and Beyoncé! It could end up helping you both realize how much you love each other. If you do take the breakup route, just know that you do not, and no one else for that matter, deserve to be cheated on. Focus on yourself, your friends and your happiness because there is someone out there that will value you as they should!