There are a set of expectations that accompany almost everything in life. Whether it be the thought of a new job, relationship or opportunity, it’s hard not to imagine what life would be like if you were to succeed and get what you want.
Imagine yourself traveling the world, getting accepted into your dream school or being with a loving partner; these expectations bring a sense of happiness that seems just barely out of reach from your life. It’s hard not to get ahead of yourself, and the next thing you know, you are picturing yourself 20 years from now with everything you could have ever wanted and becoming more and more hopeful that these goals will be obtained.
But what happens when these expectations aren’t met?
Holding on to the last strands of hope that your expectations will be met, that people or life will change is painful—but to be expected. And as time goes on, you just become more and more disappointed watching things stay painfully the same.
When expectations are created, they will never feel unlikely in the moment. It is easy (and natural) to convince yourself that people will live up to these expectations, even when there was never any hope to begin with; not because of anything you have done, but because this person is not who you have built them up to be in your mind.
We see people differently from how they are and create expectations for them based on this idealized person who does not exist. It is disheartening to realize that you may never get what you want because the people you are relying on are incapable of giving it to you.
The worst part is that a broken expectation is nobody’s fault, as there is nobody to blame when you create unrealistic expectations for someone that are never fulfilled; an expectation is not a promise, it is a personal desire.
What makes it so hard to let go of holding onto what might have been is that since this ideation never happened, it is easy to imagine it all being perfect. There is no real experience to counter that “perfect” scenario.
Real-life, on the other hand, is anything but picture-perfect. Friends, jobs, romantic interests and opportunities let you down, and not everything will turn out the way you pictured it. And while learning how to deal with this disappointment takes time, realizing that you can do something about it is a good place to start.
Understanding that your own expectations are probably causing many of your dissatisfying personal relationships is not fun. However, it brings the power to decide to change how you perceive people and stop yourself from expecting things from those who will never be able to give them to you.
When thinking of something or someone that you want, be realistic about how likely it is that this thing will happen or that you will find success. Not everyone or every opportunity is destined to work out, and that’s okay; there is nothing wrong with not finding success in something.
At this point, you are probably not thrilled with being told that broken expectations are your fault, and really, they aren’t. It is more an issue stemming from our desire to feel that things will always turn out the way we want. But at times, they don’t.
I am not here to push for lowering your expectations to nothing and thinking that everyone in the world will take advantage of you and betray your trust. But, I am here to tell you that being honest with yourself about the character of a person or the likelihood of a situation and making expectations accordingly will save you some heartbreak in the future.
Having a blindly optimistic mindset can set you up for failure before you’ve even started. Choosing to begin taking on life with a positive but realistic perspective will not only save you some tears, it will also allow you to be more successful and find opportunities and people that will serve you well and have your best interests at heart.
With 2021 coming to an end, now is the time for reflection on triumphs and mistakes over the past year. During this time, realize that you cannot change the past but you can change your future, and the best and only place to begin this journey is within yourself and in your mind.
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