Growing up, I always imagined I’d arrive at college and immediately find the man of my dreams. Just like in all of the movies I’d grown up watching, there would be plenty of incredible guys to choose from, all of whom were interested in me for me. There would be men who would ask me on dates, open every door and would do everything in their power to make sure I felt like I was wanted.
Unfortunately, all of the Nicholas Sparks movies lied. Florida State is full of funny, intelligent, beautiful and empowered women who deserve to be treated like the queens they are. Yet, some of these incredible women are single and have gone through hell and back trying to find that one man that will fulfill all of the expectations that society has built for them. Why do we, as women, continue to pick these men and put up with all of the crap that they put us through every day?
These issues began when we were five years old and were told by the adults in our life that the boy that had been bullying us at school was just doing it because he had a crush on us. It has been ingrained in our minds since we first started interacting with the opposite gender that if a boy is mean to us, it means that they must have a crush on us. Due to this, instead of cutting a guy off who clearly is just using a girl for sex, we continue to put up with his sh*t and insist to our concerned friends, parents and ourselves that they do care and that, eventually, they will change. In our heads, we will be the ones to incite that change. Unfortunately, just because they bring us to a party at their fraternity house and introduce us to their brothers does not mean that we’ve suddenly gotten them to change all their ways.
These men have perfected their skills as master manipulators and gaslighters and have almost definitely pulled the same moves on many girls before you. I have watched as almost every woman I know has fallen for these same moves and has gotten hurt time and time again. We as women need to stop ignoring all of the red flags they give us. We need to recognize when these men that are giving us butterflies are really just another guy looking for a hookup instead of being the prince charming we actually deserve.
First of all, the next time you match with a guy on Tinder and he asks you to come over and have a “wine night” at his apartment for your first date, run. If a guy is interested in you for the right reasons, he will want to take you on an actual date in a public place for your first date. On that date, he will offer to pay, open the door for you, ask questions about you and will, at most, give you a goodnight kiss at the end.
Next, if the only method of communication a guy wants to use with you is Snapchat, get out of there. Snapchat screams temporary, whereas texts are a bit more permanent. There is also a difference between a guy not going on social media very often, which is a green flag, and a guy leaving you on delivered for twenty-three hours and then saving the streak at the last second with a “wyd” Snapchat at 10:00 at night.
There are so many other red flags we need to be looking out for, but for right now, I want to challenge every woman at Florida State and beyond to make their new dating mantra “if he wanted to, he would.” From here on out, we are raising our standards. The bar desperately needs to be raised out of hell and we should be cutting out these men who are doing the absolute bare minimum. Every woman deserves to be treated like a queen. Letting these men walk all over us and continue to pull the same sh*t is just encouraging them to keep it up. If we begin to call them out and stop accepting the bare minimum, they will slowly begin to realize they are going to have to work a bit harder to get our attention and will eventually start putting in the effort that every woman deserves.
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