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How Giving Myself Validation Solved My Need for External Validation

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at FSU chapter.

Victim complex, self-hate, people-pleasing, inadequate and unworthy are just a few of the terms I would use to describe myself in the past. There was a point in my life when I would wake up every day with my goals and motives being oriented around how I could seek the highest appraisal from others to feel even the slightest bit better about myself. I was determined to seek love and validation from everyone but myself. Over time this negativity I was implementing in my life built up to the point that I had hit what some would call “the lowest of lows.” I had finally been hit by the realization that I wasn’t living for myself. I knew I had to change.

I am not going to sit here and bullsh*t you saying that I just automatically woke up and transformed into the highest version of myself. It took discipline, work and most importantly, me, to know that no amount of external validation would compete with the validation I could give to myself.

These are some of the practices that I have implemented into my life to truly become a new person who absolutely loves herself and everything she is capable of.


How would you like to be spoken to by people such as a significant other, parent or mentor? The concepts associated with these people tend to be love, appreciation, belief, motivation and more. Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated. It is part of our nature to feel these good feelings. I start each of my mornings with self-concept work like affirmations. I take time to tell myself all the things I would want someone else to tell me. Some of the ones I use are:

● I am loved, worthy and enough.
● I am always loved unconditionally.
● I am the absolute prize.
● I am always chosen and respected because I choose and value myself.
● I am the luckiest woman I have ever met.
● I am my own beauty standard.

I rewired my brain to empower myself when I began saying and feeling these truths about myself every day.


I knew that to increase my self-validation, I had to take a breath and focus on all the blessings and opportunities present in my life. I set aside time throughout my day to be appreciative of the people, things and opportunities I do have. Many people tend to overcomplicate this but it can be as simple as the following:

● I am so thankful for my body and its ability to function.
● I am grateful for the people in my life who motivate me to be the best version of myself.
● I am grateful for all the joy, abundance and love that find me today.
● I am grateful for my intelligence and my capacity to expand my knowledge.

By focusing on all the good you already have in your life, I take the focus away from negative, self-defeating thoughts and actions.


The application of methods and techniques revolving around metaphysical laws has increased my expansion of myself. I know that sentence sounds complicated, but it is much easier than it sounds. For me, manifesting is allowing myself to use my five senses in order to create a new way of thinking which leads to a new physical reality.

Manifestation can be done in a number of ways including affirmations, vision boards, journaling, meditation, grounding and so many more. When I manifest, it is a way for me to get clear about what I want in my life, whether this is a loving partner, positive friends, a dream job or a healthy lifestyle. As a visual person, I like to write down my manifestations so I can visualize all these wonderful things in my mind.


If you have ever been to any form of therapy, you know that they preach and live by the release of emotions and thoughts in the form of journaling. Journaling gives me an opportunity to get in touch with myself. I am able to understand my feelings, thoughts and emotions toward specific situations or life in general.

There is no “correct” way to journal. I tend to absolutely rant in my journal sessions. I write down everything that bothers me, depletes me of energy, makes me happy or causes me to be impulsive. Once I get all my jumbled thoughts onto paper, I am able to sit back and reflect on the root cause of any issues. From there I reflect on my ability to perceive these things in a new light.

You have complete control over your thoughts, emotions and actions. But, you must first acknowledge them in order to appreciate yourself and your ability to express.

Tune into higher vibrations

I noticed when I was in a bad place in my life, it was because I was surrounding myself with negativity such as comparative self-talk or damaging outlets.

Think of it this way. You have the choice to wake up every day and dwell on the horrible things in your life: I am not good enough, that person is more successful than me, I am unlovable, etc. Or, you can wake up and completely alter your way of thinking by tuning into that positive vibrational frequency: I am loved, I have an amazing life and everything is always working out for my highest good.

I spend my days appreciating my own journey and listening to podcasts, TED Talks and videos that speak about the impact your own mind has on your life.

These are a couple of outlets that have helped me on my journey:
Your Manifesting Bestie Podcast
Abraham Hicks Affirmation Rampage
Dr. Joe Dispenza (Neuroscientist) Meditation

You are the creator of your own reality. You have the power to give yourself all the things you previously thought you needed from external sources. It is beyond empowering to meet someone who is so authentically themselves. I work each and every day to be this person. I have become my biggest lover, supporter and motivator. I am validated by myself and that in itself is life-changing.

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Elena is a writer for Her Campus FSU. When she is not slamming words on a keyboard you can find her at the gym, reading books, tuning into her higher self, hanging out with friends, cooking, or laying in bed on Tik Tok.