Whenever I tell people that I was raised as a military brat, they are always amazed. They ask me about all of the places I have been able to visit, and then they wish they were lucky enough to have been raised with such a lifestyle. For the most part, I am, indeed, happy that I was given the opportunity; however, the lifestyle also impacted the person I was for the worst.
Because I moved so often, I never got the chance to make many friends. If I even tried to, the next month I was gone to attend a different school in a different state or even country! And as often as friends tell you that they will keep in touch, they often do not. Maintaining a long-distance friendship is difficult—at least it was for my case.
And because I did not maintain many friendships throughout my adolescence, I was unable to improve on my social skills. This was especially noticeable once I entered middle school. As we all know, middle school is a weird and confusing time for many teenagers. Not only do girls get their periods—as I did on the very first day of sixth grade—but I was also the new girl. I did not know anyone, and I felt very lonely. I was very insecure about my body as well because I was overweight when younger. All in all, the beginning of my middle school journey was not the best. This turned me into a major introvert.
I would sit by myself every day during lunch hour. My twin brother and I did not have the same lunch break, and, even if we did, we were to sit with our class. We were hardly ever in the same class. Eventually, though, my teacher noticed my routine of sitting lonesome, so much so that one day she sat in front of me. I was nervous and embarrassed as some curious students glanced over, wondering what the teacher wanted from me. I bet they all thought I was in trouble. Rather, instead, she asked me to sit beside two other girls. The two other girls were also shy like me, and we each sat alone every single day for lunch. The teacher asked us to sit together and become friends. Luckily for her, we did.
Although the seventh grade was amazing as I finally had friends and started to live a healthier lifestyle, the eighth grade came around, and I was back to being a bit lonely. The friends I had before no longer talked to me as often, and I was to make new friends again. But it was not that simple. This is when I got depressed. I was angry too. I was so angry that my brother and I fell apart. We would argue so much that my mother forced us to go to therapy. My brother and I, though, were too stubborn to ever pay attention in therapy.
But, enough was enough. During my freshman year of high school, I knew I had to work on being more extroverted. I took a Microsoft PowerPoint class where I knew I would have to give presentations in front of the class. I forced myself to step out of my comfort zone, and I really did improve my communication skills in this class. Now, I will admit that this class did not cure everything. I continued to be shy. In fact, during my first and second year of high school, I only had two good friends.
In my junior year of high school, my family moved again. This year was difficult for me because I got hopeless. Why make friends? Soon I’ll go to college, and I won’t see these people again. So, why bother? I still had to work on my openness. That’s why I joined the drama club. Everyone in the club was so extroverted with one another, and I strived to be the same. I wanted to be like that. I worked on my shyness, and in my senior year of high school, I established a solid group of friends in my class.
I know, though, that I continue to work on this skill. It’s something everyone needs to work on every single day. College helped me the most. During my first year at Florida State, I worked at the bookstore where I got to improve on the skill, and I even began volunteering with other programs on campus that forced me to interact with people.
All in all, I think the best advice I can give to become more of an extrovert is forcing yourself into situations where you will have to talk to people. You will need to step out of your comfort zone. It may not be what you wanted to hear, but it’s the best advice out there. Today, I have 10 good friends, and that’s more friends than I ever had before. I am so happy to have them in my life. Before, I never thought I would be the person to host parties, but this semester alone I hosted four get-togethers.
However, in order to be able to step out of your comfort zone and try new things, you have to be surer of yourself as well. By liking yourself even more and improving the person you are, you will naturally be able to improve your communication skills. You will want to talk to people and share ideas as well as experiences.
So, if you are not ready to step out of your comfort zone, then focus on self-care and on yourself. Eventually, you will have the confidence to step out of your comfort zone. Trust me, you can do it.
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