Recently I put my all into a potential relationship and got attached even after my actions stopped being reciprocated. The amount of stress, anxiety and disappointment I felt over that was exhausting and overbearing. I kept looking in the mirror, picking out my flaws as an explanation as to why I didn’t deserve honesty when in reality, it was never about me. I was never the reason or cause of someone else’s immaturity. Although this potential relationship was short-lived, I spent more time stressing over it than actually being with the other person. Because of it, I hit a snag in the road even before it was officially over. 2020 has not been the year of romantic success for me, and all the guys that came and went throughout this year have affected my self-perception. I’m single again, and the only person I am looking to treat is me. This is what I have learned on my journey to learning to love myself again.
1. Get out of bed
Sleep numbs the pain but does not cure it. Everyone has rough days, and it’s okay to stay in bed sometimes but sleeping through the whole week is not fair to you or your body. This will only set your healing and progress back. This situation is not the end of the world; it does not mean you won’t ever find love. In the end, you’ll be okay. The first step to loving yourself again is self-care. Get out of bed, shower, get dressed, brush your teeth, eat and so on.
Tip: Treat yourself! Get a facial or your nails done or whatever positive thing makes you feel good. You deserve it.
2. Find peace with the situation
When someone leaves your life, it is much easier to say that it’s their loss than to actually believe it. You’re a bad b*tch! You don’t need anyone else’s validation or approval to know it but your own. Get in front of a mirror and tell yourself so—speak those feelings and that attitude into existence, because at the end of the day it is their loss.
Tip: This is even more empowering when you feel like one too, don’t be shy to dress up and go out on the town!
3. Know your worth
Not being in a relationship is so much better than being in the wrong one. Distance yourself from toxic people and those who have brought you down and exhausted you in any aspect whether that is physically, mentally, emotionally or all three. You do not deserve that kind of treatment or energy. Focus on only bringing positive people and things into your life because if something or someone does not add value to your life then they’re not worth it.
Tip: Do not check up on them. Leave their social media accounts alone. Don’t send them a text message. Delete the chat. Don’t get choked up on all the things they said but didn’t do. Silence speaks more than words. You are so much better than that and deserve better too so let it go.
4. Forgive your past self
It’s very easy to count all the red flags you missed once the rose-colored glasses are off. Despite this being the case don’t beat yourself up about missing or ignoring the red flags altogether, it’s completely okay, we all make mistakes. Love is blinding and so is infatuation. Hope and prospect can be too. Making mistakes is the only way we can learn and grow to become better and stronger people.
5. Be thankful for what you have
You can’t always get what you want, and that’s okay. Rather than letting pain and frustration make you bitter, be thankful for what you have and for the people in your life. There are plenty of people who are lucky to have you and who you are lucky to have as well. So much good is still yet to come.
6. VIBE!!
Your love life is only one aspect of your life. Focus on nurturing and improving the other parts! Go back to living how you were before, vibing on your own. Enjoy the little things and savor every moment. Spend time with the people you love and those who make you happy. Blast music, dance, sing, cry, laugh, do it all. Don’t let anyone interfere with your vibing unless it’s for the better.
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