With Valentine’s Day just around the corner and many of us still having Bridgerton withdrawals, I began to look to the source of my romantic daydreams: none other than Miss Jane Austen! Austen does a fantastic job creating heroines who grow from the beginning of the novels to the end. As I have gotten older, I have noticed these lessons in love that can be applied to nonfictional life.
1. First Impressions Aren’t Always Accurate
In Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet’s first meeting was not the meet-cute by which many films now introduce a couple. It’s not until the two get to know each other in more profound ways and through a series of events, they reconsider their previous harsh judgments. While we love to see the witty banter the two have at the beginning of the novel (especially the epic comeback that Elizabeth gives him at the assembly!), the Mr. Darcy we all dream about is unearthed to the readers alongside Elizabeth as she realizes his real character. They both overcome their preconceived notions about one another. The takeaway: while someone may not have met your expectations at the first meeting, don’t let that govern how you think of that person and your actions towards them.
2. Don’t Settle
While marrying a man with a fortune isn’t much of a factor in relationships today as they were in the 19th century, the lesson of not settling for anything other than love still applies. This lesson has been prevalent in each of her novels through various characters, and it is clear that Austen repeats this theme as it is one she believes to be crucially important. Readers see how Charlotte Lucas in Pride and Prejudice settled for Mr. Collins since she saw him as her only option. Meanwhile, her friend Elizabeth Bennet rejects two proposals. Both offered her a comfortable and secure future but were men with whom she didn’t see herself being truly and blissfully happy. Don’t just date someone because they were the first to ask you out, and don’t stay in that relationship just because you feel like you should. Jane Austen herself never married and turned down proposals because of her determination to only marry for love, and she lived a happy life.
3. Be With Someone Who Makes You a Better Person
In Emma, Emma loves to play matchmaker with those around her, and her misplaced confidence in her abilities causes some romantic misadventures. What makes her relationship with John Knightly ultimately relationship goals is how he is the only person in the novel who is unafraid to call her out when she does something questionable and provides her with sound, heartfelt advice. While Emma, at first, is taken aback by it, she ultimately appreciates the honesty. It’s going to hurt at first, but a relationship will grow when you are being real with each other and can make each other the best versions of yourselves that you can be.
4. Don’t Let Others Interfere in Your Relationship
We can learn even more lessons when looking at other swoon-worthy couples in Pride and Prejudice. Jane and Mr. Bingley show what happens when outside parties try to be a part of the relationship. While taking advice from your friends is always welcome, don’t let it be what drives a wedge between you and your significant other (especially if that wedge takes you away from Netherfield Park and to London, where you both will be miserable). Ultimately, Austen is saying that the relationship between you and your partner is unique to you and the trust you share is more important than what others say.
5. Love Isn’t Like the Movies
While many of us love these novels for their idyllic romances that sweep you away, it is easy to get caught up in the drama and blur the lines between what is fictional and real in love. While I would love to experience Mr. Darcy walking across a field at dawn to profess his love to me, I know that it is a movie (and a fantastic one at that, really, 10 out of 10 stars!). In Northanger Abbey, Catherine Morland is so hung up on the intense romances in the books she reads that she doesn’t realize how falling in love with Mr. Tilney isn’t like her books, but something more real to the human condition. She must learn to find and experience love by genuinely caring for the person and building that relationship off of respect and understanding.
In all of these novels, however, we see the resilience of these female leads. Whether it be rich aunts, lack of fortunes or circumstances, these ladies know their worth no matter their struggles. Take a few notes from Miss Austen, and have a Happy Valentine’s Day!
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