One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to admit to myself is that I really do care. I’ve given myself lots of things to care about — work or school, friends and family, politics and community. I care about all of it so much that it makes it hard to care about anything at all.
Sometime mid-fall semester, after a couple of mental breakdowns and a couple more private crying sessions, I discovered the secret: the way to truly care is to not give a damn at all.
It Starts With An Attitude Shift
Everyone always has something to say about attitude. Good, bad, or ugly — attitude colors social interaction in every way. How you walk into a room, who you talk to, and how you talk to them all come together to shape the outward perception of how much you care about any given thing.
Shifting your attitude doesn’t have to be a big thing; it can start with small decisions. Looking in the mirror and deciding where your lines are and what concerns don’t even make the cut. While you may want to care, not every action needs a reaction, and not every mistake reflects who you are.
Ruling over my own attitude has helped me own every room I walk into. It’s helped me be honest with myself and my peers when it matters. It’s also allowed me to take charge of my life in ways I never could before. More now than ever, I decide who I want to be and what deserves my energy.
Be Honest with Yourself
At its core, whether to care or not is a question of priorities. Looking at everything confronting you and deciding what’s the top priority gives you a literal guide on where to give a damn. You can’t even start to make the list if you aren’t honest about what matters to you and what doesn’t.
If you’re really feeling bold, you can admit to other people that you don’t care. While not every relationship can handle such a blasé attitude toward whatever it is that you’re doing, I’ve found that admitting you don’t care much about something can ease the burden on yourself and others.
Everyone has different priorities, and it’s impossible to expect everyone to care the same amount, but talking about and aligning priorities has been key to expanding both my personal and professional relationships in the best ways possible.
Reflect, Don’t Ruminate
With the limited things that you’ve decided you care about, it’s easy to obsess or hyperfocus on every word and outcome. You can’t effectively care if you’re too busy caring too much.
Inevitably, sometimes the things you prioritize won’t work out, and the things you blow off end up perfect, but that’s not the point. To keep caring and to keep consistent, you must reflect on your actions and then release those feelings.
When you care to improve at anything, you want to take the time to think about how you’ve gotten where you are. Whether the outcome has been good or bad, you think about it, learn your lesson, and then let it go. It gets really hard to say everything happens for a reason — but everything happens anyway, so you might as well keep it moving.
To be clear, not caring doesn’t mean you can’t care. I see this attitude as a spectrum, guiding you on the easy days and saving you on the hard ones. Learning when to not care gives you the time and energy to care the most about what you’ve decided really matters to you.
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