Growing up, my mom always told me, “you cannot love someone else until you love yourself.” Of course, when I first heard it, I took it as corny mom advice, but that sentence is truly a gem. It took me until recently to fully understand this statement. This is the body that I was given to live a full life in and that is something that I am slowly learning to love. Social media, especially TikTok, can make me look at myself in a different light but I am quickly reminded that I have one life to enjoy in the vessel that I was granted.
Last year, if you would have told me that I was even semi-satisfied with the body that I am in, I would have laughed in your face. For the first time in a long time, I put my own happiness and well-being over others. This was no easy feat. Amongst my peers, I am considered the therapist friend. Although it is a role that I absolutely love, it can be very emotionally exhausting. Naturally, I am very empathetic and absorb the feelings of others around me like a sponge. This explains why I was so concerned about the feelings of others around me but never took the time to ask myself, “are you okay?” Don’t get me wrong, checking on your friends and those around you is very important but not at the expense of your own happiness.
Learning to love myself has also come along with learning the value that I have as a human being. In the past, I have placed my self worth in the hands of others, which was a huge mistake. Why would I allow someone else that does not know the extent of my value determine how much I mean to the world? I won’t let it happen again. Clouded vision led me down a path of self-destruction that thankfully I was able to get out of. Throughout this journey, I have learned that my opinion of myself means so much more to me than anyone else’s. Other people will not value you and treat you in a desirable way until you show them that you won’t accept any less than top tier. Although I have not found the reason yet, I was put on Earth for a purpose. I was put in the position that I am in for a reason, although I have not found the reason yet. Why would I waste precious time thinking I have no purpose?
Over quarantine, I learned that being alone is not something that I love but something that I have learned to be okay with. I learned to have fun with myself and cherish my alone time. It is in these moments that I have the most time to reflect and truly feel authentic feelings. Of course, I’m not perfect. I still have days that are darker than others, but nothing can convince me that I am worth less than a million bucks. Loving myself and being okay with myself is something that I will constantly be working on, but it sure is a step worth taking.
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