It’s that time of year. Time for an explosion of pink and red, time for department stores to stock their shelves with chocolates and teddy bears, and time for the unrealistic expectations of couples all around the world to put on a perfect night full of romance and bliss. Being in college, we are constantly surrounded by relationships, whether they’re platonic or not. With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I began to ask myself, what being in love really means. So, I decided to ask around. I asked my fellow 18-24-year old’s what’s their definition of love. The results I got were inspiring, depressing and thought-provoking.
Let’s start with the basics. I got quite a few responses. 47 to be exact. 27.7% were male, and 72.3% were female. An overwhelming majority were 19 and 20 years old. 18- and 21-year olds were also fairly common.
The first question I asked was pretty vague, however, I was curious as to what people would say. It was, “What is your definition of love?” The word “unconditional” came up a lot in different responses. Unconditional love. Unconditional effort. Unconditional feelings. I also got a lot of responses about being selfless and altruistic when it comes to your significant other. One of my favorite responses was:
“Genuinely caring about someone else’s happiness and wellbeing more than your own and willingly going out of your way to prioritize that person, even at the expense of your own happiness.”
Another approach to love includes:
“You know the kinda person that remembers and understands even the smallest details about you? That’s love. Wanting to truly know and understand a person because you care about so much more than the basics.” I really like that.
I also liked: “Looking to grow each other into their highest perspective – someone you can love even in the worst of times.”
One thing that caught my eye when reading these responses what there wasn’t much mention of physical love. Love seems to be more about mentally and emotionally being there for your partner when they need you. One defined love as “Caring about someone else’s needs before your own.” This definition of love is one of my favorites:
“I personally think about love as an incredibly deep emotional connection between two individuals who both support and challenge each other, a current that can run under everything you do in life as opposed to simply something you have alongside school, work, etc. Sprinkle in physical attraction as well and there ya go.”
Love doesn’t have to be directed towards a significant other. One of the responses read, “friendship—this is so underrated and not talked about enough.” I agree with this person 100%. In my experience, friendships have lasted longer and are more important to me than romantic relationships.
There were, of course, a lot more responses to the definition of love, but for now, I’ll move on. The second question I asked people was, “Do you believe in love at first sight? Why or why not?” Only about 15% said they DID believe in love at first sight. Most people do not. Personally, I don’t believe in love at first sight. For those who do believe in love at first sight, these were some of their responses:
“Yes. You can get a connection.”
“Yes, sometimes people can just tell.”
“Yeah, but it depends on the person.”
“I do to a certain extent if it’s a mutual feeling and both parties can’t envision being with anyone else.”
One common theme I could see with the “Yes’s” was they were very hesitant about their answer. As for the no’s, they also brought up good points about the difference between LOVE and LUST.
“No. Love is deeper than looks.”
“No, it takes time to build love.”
“No because I believe it’s attraction or lust at first sight.”
“No, I think that is more of being attracted to somebody. You need to know somebody’s personality to fall in love.”
“Nah. You make first impressions in 1/10 of a second based entirely on physical appearances. Yes, that matters but that’s not love. That’s LUST.”
This response especially caught my eye:
“No. I met my boyfriend on tinder and did not expect to fall in love. Love is more than looks. You fall in love with the person they are on the inside.”
Then, there were those in between.
“I believe we have the power to make love at first sight: we might feel a spark, and it’s up to us to fan it.”
“I believe in infatuation at first sight but it very easy to not be in love with someone based off their personality.”
“I don’t think you can love someone immediately, but it can happen very fast.”
“It depends on your definition of love- I personally don’t think I could fall in love with someone on first sight because I define love by knowing someone on a deeper basis than you can gain by simply seeing someone.”
Do you believe in love at first sight?
Finally, I asked people if they had any other thoughts about love. Some of the responses made me laugh out loud such as, “I WANT A BOYFRIEND LOL” (me too) and “tinder is so dumb.” (agreed)
Some responses were quite depressing, yet brutally honest.
“It can suck sometimes.”
“Love is dangerous.”
“I’ve been “in love” more than once. In a toxic relationship, “love” can cloud your judgment and fool you into believing that you’re in love. In my case, I was in love with the idea of being in love, not the person.”
“The best and worst experiences of my life but I don’t regret them.”
Others were more thought-provoking.
“Sometimes the best way to love both yourself and that person is to let them go.” This is such a good point and I think more people (including myself) need to understand this concept.
Conducting this survey was quite eye-opening. After reading an overwhelming amount of responses, I am still not sure I can define love. The one conclusion I can draw for sure is that love is undefinable. It varies from person to person, and relationship to relationship. One person defined love as “Couldn’t say, I think you have to feel it.” Reading these responses was eye-opening. I truly believe that our generation has so much to love to give to the world and each other. Remember, if you are single this Valentine’s Day your person will come, just give it time. Because you deserve infinite, everlasting, unconditional love.
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