Shocker, the title is true. I am 19 years old and have never had a boyfriend. In that period, I haven’t had deep conversations with a guy by candlelight who confesses his love for me at the end, nor have I been wooed with a box of Ferrero Rochers and a handwritten letter. Yet. And I know many other single girls can empathize with that. We are single but not alone.
In high school, I didn’t encounter and connect with anyone intelligent or intriguing enough, sincere and supportive enough, creative enough, mature enough. Or was I not enough? Being alone while others had their first kiss, first date, first everything with someone provoked reflection. I pondered, Is my body too much? Not enough? What about my mind? Does everyone think I’m too out-there or too quiet to want to know me? Am I a walking red flag? If so, will I be forever? Has anyone ever thought of wanting to know me? If not, does that matter?
I don’t think so. I have since determined that experiencing life solo so far is something to be grateful for. Comfort and cuddles seem nice, but I’m thankful that my teen years weren’t spent invested in someone else. Without a boy to parade around with or be infatuated by, I got to focus that energy on myself. I have been able to develop and discover my interests, goals and inspirations. I got to connect deeper with who I was and who I want to be without him interfering. I manifested my motivation, happiness and love for myself. So, whether I’m still single or taken, I have eternal support poking out of my life skill toolbox.
I am even more thankful for entering college without a boyfriend holding my hand, especially one that goes to the same school as me. Without him, I got to experience the bliss and hardships of what living alone for the first time is like. I became comfortable with going grocery shopping alone, eating dinner alone, walking myself to class, attending exciting events on my own, speaking up for myself and meeting new people. I believe many girls are devastated about their breakups because they have to go back to a life they never learned how to live (happily) alone. Luckily, I won’t have this issue. I won’t need his presence to function. When or if my first lover leaves, I won’t self-destruct. I won’t regress to infant-like cluelessness, bawling and questioning what to do next and how to do it. As I slip out of his existence and embrace, he will slip out of mine. Out of my phone, my home and future memories. I will be back to square one: serene solitude.
Every grand holiday from October to February, the media portrayed emphasizes the luxuries of having a lover. Although, I think the gift of not having to worry about teen pregnancy, infidelity or simply wasting one’s time is valuable as well. Some people meet their only partner at the age of 12 and never know what their life could’ve been without a man’s influence. I’m glad that I haven’t had to wonder about any what-ifs. My lackluster love life suits the stage of life that I’m in. When I do meet the man of my dreams, I will welcome him with open arms. I just won’t become dependent on him.
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