In high school, I was one of those kids who was really involved. I was in student government, a cheerleader, president of DECA and participated in any other activities that would have me. I was, and still am, a social butterfly, eager to talk to everyone and anyone. However, back then, I was also the epitome of a people pleaser. I continuously lived my life by other people’s expectations and assumptions, never wanting to disappoint. Because of this, I honestly didn’t know what “no” or the phrase “personal boundaries” meant as I willingly let others overstep into my world even when it wasn’t beneficial to me. As long as people felt good around me, even if I didn’t, I went on with my life.
Fast forward to the emergence of the COVID pandemic. When the social restrictions were set in place, I freaked out at the idea of not seeing my friends, the people whose pleasure fed my existence. How could I possibly continue without other’s satisfaction for my soul? I know it sounds so dramatic, but that’s seriously how I used to think. Well, after some COVID imposed detoxing, I had to learn to survive without their fuel. Honestly, I wish I had a better inspirational story for how this transition occurred, but I don’t.
It all started with a tweet that I saw at the beginning of 2020. Yes, a tweet from Twitter. And yes, it was based on my zodiac sign — don’t judge me, I take that stuff seriously if it’s in my favor. The Zodiac Facts tweet read, “As a #Leo for 2020: You will feel more driven than ever. You will grab every opportunity and pursue it with full force, and you will be unstoppable.” I do get that this is a vast generalization that could apply to virtually anyone and mean anything. Still, I saw it as a sign meant specifically for me, and isn’t that what all Zodiac writers want us to believe? Anyways, that phrase got me off my ass and helped me reevaluate my priorities and thoughts. In zodiac lingo, it sparked me to reassess my dream life and dream self.
This revelation started when I realized that I’ve got to rework what’s going on inside my head. First and foremost was eliminating negative triggers. So, I cut ties with social media. Social media always made me feel oddly invasive. Whenever I would scroll through others’ lives, I would often get an inaccurate read on the person that I thought I knew. By now, we’ve all come to understand that much of what’s posted on social media isn’t a genuine representation of oneself. Though I’ve never been much into fabricated facades unless it’s in a book or good movie, I want to know people’s real three-dimensional selves. That includes the good and the bad, not some manicured image. So, I did a complete social media cleanse, which was not without hesitation and challenge. My people-pleasing tendencies would creep back in, and I would think, “so and so hasn’t reached out to me, they probably think I’m ignoring them.” As it turns out, the funny thing was that whoever I was worried about didn’t even have time to think of me as they were too busy living their own life and caring for themselves. Secondly, I forced myself to become more content with just being alone, focusing on my mental and physical health.
With the help of a friend, I’ve lost fourteen pounds (in a healthy way) this year and love my body more than I’ve ever loved it before. Shoutout to Kalea Shemelya for being my go-to physical trainer! (Read my previous article about Kalea’s transformation.) I now find myself meditating more and journaling my heart out. I’m obsessed with reading self-help and discovery books. I’ve read almost twenty this year and could write another article just about all these wonderful learnings. Self-affirmations are my new thing, too, as I’ve become a believer in their power. I don’t mean to brag about my accomplishments, but I want to acknowledge some things that work for me and share my journey.
Forced introversion has taught me a lot. While I understand that it’s not beneficial for everyone, it may, in manageable doses, be helpful for some. In our outspoken society, extroverts are viewed as the more charismatic, outgoing beings, and introverts are often told to be more extroverted. Still, I think we may have it wrong. While it’s good to be involved and connected, there’s also a benefit to the mindfulness and self-reflection that comes with introversion. Perhaps we can create a healthy balance between the two that honors our own unique personal boundaries.
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